AOPA Turbine Pilot Magazine - April 2011 - 92

“As an engineer specializing in radio communications, instrument flying was infinitely cool to me,” Fern said. “I did as much instrument flying as it’s possible to do in Southern California, and the thought that it might be dangerous never entered my mind. I never had any difficulty hopping in an airplane and going somewhere, whether I was the one flying or as a passenger.” But Fern was under increasing pressure at work where the fate of a start-up firm he had joined was uncertain. And at home, discovery of a son’s drug use

created a “living hell” of ever-escalating confrontations. Flying, an activity that required single-minded focus and had previously provided a refuge from such concerns, was suddenly powerless to loosen their grip. Fern found himself worrying obsessively about engine failures, midair collisions, and a long list of other possible emergencies. Then one day while flying solo and practicing the VOR-A approach into Oceanside Municipal Airport, Fern was seized by an overwhelming anxiety attack that terrified him—even though he had

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flown the approach dozens of times and the aircraft was operating normally. “Shortly after I entered the clouds, a wave of incredible panic and terror came over me,” he said. “I felt as if I needed to escape the entire environment of the airplane. I believed that I was completely out of control of the situation that I found myself in. I was afraid of losing control of the airplane, as well as the repercussions of ATC if I got on the radio and told them I was losing control of the airplane. “I couldn’t understand what was happening to me, or why, but I knew it was imperative to fly the airplane first. I started talking to myself out loud, telling myself that there was nothing that needed to be done that I hadn’t done many times before. I got the needles centered where they were supposed to be and completed the approach successfully. “I had given myself a very bad scare for a reason that was completely beyond my comprehension,” he said. “There was clearly something wrong with me, and I decided that I was unsafe in an airplane cockpit. That flight was to be my last for nearly eight years.” Panic attacks began taking place elsewhere, too, and always with the same debilitating results. Fern became afraid of being afraid, and the results were wildly unpredictable. Once, while preparing to board a passenger airliner with his wife for a planned vacation, Fern became terrified to the point of becoming ill and was unable to travel. New perspective Flying as a GA pilot was something Fern had always loved, and flying as a passenger on airliners was something he needed to do for his profession. Fern started seeing a psychologist who specialized in anxiety disorders and set as one of his central goals returning to the cockpit as a GA pilot. After six months of therapy, Fern said he was convinced he was making great progress understanding what had been going wrong and taking steps to correct it. He and his therapist decided the best way to confront the problem was to do so directly, and Fern devised a test. He would travel to Warner Springs, California, and take an aerobatic sailplane flight with a glider instructor. If that didn’t make him anxious, nothing would. “I’d never been upside-down in an airplane,” Fern said. “It was a totally new experience for me, and it would put me in a situation that was sure to cause
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AOPA Turbine Pilot Magazine - April 2011

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of AOPA Turbine Pilot Magazine - April 2011