The ATA Chronicle - July/August 2022 - 36

RR
environmental, social, and
governance activities.
Initial Insights
A few months later, I ended
up with a bulging folder
on my computer. I quickly
realized the scale of my
undertaking after seeing
how many hours it took me
to fill in four columns in a
simple Excel file (company
name, website, industry,
and report name). The
fifth column, the chief
executive officer's opening
letter, broke my resolve.
I couldn't even imagine
starting a sixth column (the
average number of words
per sentence) and repeating
that process 100 times. With
this in mind and plenty of
translation projects on my
desk, I decided to zoom out
and look at the big picture.
It would not come as a
huge surprise to anybody
working in my language
pair to learn that, broadly
speaking, the chief executive
officer letters in the German
reports focused more on facts
and figures and were more
corporate in nature, while
the letters in the English
reports contained more
storytelling elements and
were more personal. After
examining more than a dozen
reports in each language,
I identified four recurring
themes in English-language
sustainability reports.
Make It Conversational:
The messages from chief
executive officers in the
English-language reports
often had a strong voice.
They used plenty of
contractions and started
sentences with phrases like
" but, " " and, " " so, " and
" because. " In many cases,
the letter could have easily
been read aloud as a speech.
By contrast, the letters in
the German reports (and far
too many of their English
translations) were much
more formal.
Make It Active: While the
German reports were filled
with passive, noun-heavy
sentences, their English
counterparts were active
and emphatic. The latter
also had plenty of gerunds
and imperatives sprinkled
throughout the copy. As a
rule, the English-language
reports varied sentence
length and used rhythm as a
stylistic device.
Make It Idiomatic: I noticed
that the English-language
reports sprinkled idioms
throughout. For example, in
a report from a rail company,
phrases like " journey, "
" destination, " " full steam
ahead, " " on the move, "
" slam on the brakes, " " on
the right track, " and " end
of the line " were featured
heavily in the English
versions, but were rarely
seen in German texts.
Make It Alliterative: English
loves alliteration. Or should
that be adores alliteration? In
the sustainability reporting
arena, many companies
combined alliteration with
" the rule of three " (i.e., the
idea that groups of three
words, phrases, or ideas are
more engaging, effective,
and memorable). I found
several examples of reports
mentioning " customers,
colleagues, and community, "
36 The ATA Chronicle | July/August 2022
" planet, people, and
purpose, " and " company,
climate, and communities. "
What Next?
My next step was to ditch my
Excel chart with its multiple
columns in favor of industryspecific
swipe files containing
examples of good writing
in English sustainability
reports. I'm still slowly
digging my way through
the list of 100 reports. And
many reports covering the
2021 financial year have
already been published. So,
there's a never-ending well
of material to excavate.
As I come across effective
renderings, I cut and paste
the phraseology-a practice
one translator referred to as
" larcenous reading. "
As a full-time translator
and copywriter, this
NOTES
1.
approach feels more
manageable to me. If I
had six months or a year
to devote to a research
project of this scale, I could
undoubtedly crunch the
numbers and find that
sustainability reports have
an average sentence length
of eight words in English and
14 in German.2
But at this
stage of my career, I find it
much more manageable and
efficient to spend 30 minutes
a week digging through a
report or two. If I'm lucky,
I'll occasionally strike gold
in the form of just the right
phrasing to use in my
next project.
Translators can unearth
a veritable treasure trove
of information by
consulting similar texts in
their target language.
Perhaps this technique will
work for you!
I attended Barbara Sabel's 2014 ATA Annual Conference
presentation (Beyond Terminology and Phraseology: Cultural
Differences in Technical Journalism and How Translators Can
Bridge the Gap) and David Jemielity's 2010 ATA Annual
Conference presentation (Why French>English Annual
Report Translations Read Like...Translations).
2.
This is just a guestimate. Come back to me in a decade and
I might have some actual numbers!
Abigail Dahlberg is a German>English
translator and copywriter specializing in
sustainability issues. After receiving an MA
in translation and interpreting at Heriot-Watt
University in Edinburgh in 2001, she worked
as a staff translator in Germany for several years before
relocating to Kansas City and launching a freelance business,
now operating as Greener Words, in 2005. She served
four terms as president of the Mid-America Chapter of the
American Translators Association, her local ATA Chapter, and
regularly shares her knowledge by writing articles and giving
conference presentations. hello@greenerwords.com
If you have any ideas and/or suggestions regarding helpful
resources or tools you would like to see featured, please e-mail
Jost Zetzsche at jzetzsche@internationalwriters.com.
www.atanet.org
http://www.atanet.org
The ATA Chronicle - July/August 2022

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