Clean Run - February 2016 - 29

according to plan so probably don't even plan. Just go have a
cocktail or some pancakes instead. But good luck finding your
liquor and the mixing bowl because there's a puppy screaming around the kitchen and she's going in for the kill on the
cabinets next.
Oh, she was cute. So unbelievably cute. In the interest of
bringing out her inner sorority girl, I took her everywhere, and
she loved everybody and they loved her. Kids, cops, mountain
bikers, meth addicts on the corner, nobody was safe from, "My
puppy hasn't met anyone in a rainbow poncho carrying a bag
of aluminum cans yet today, can she say Hi?" She was a little
quirky, but show her a kid, and give that kid a ball, and it was
true love, every single time. Banksy thought her name was
Ohmygodwhatacutepuppy. Maybe this is the saving grace of all
puppies, the soft and squishy little faces and funny little legs.
After a little ice breaking warm-up period, known as the Otterpop Be Nice Weeks, the other dogs stopped plotting her return
to whence she came. Ruby loves everybody, so that wasn't a
big deal as long we kept Ruby from getting toppled over by
manic acrobatics of love. Otterpop warmed up next. Border
Collies are about the only dog on the official list of dogs Otterpop doesn't hate, mostly because most Border Collies don't
care about Otterpop. There's an unspoken mutual work ethic
involving tennis balls that allows Otterpop some peace and
love in her life. Right away, Otterpop and Banksy formed an
alliance regarding the equity of things that roll or fly. Gustavo
came around eventually; because it turned out they were both

teenage love vampires, falling deep in dog love by biting each
other's necks for hours at a time. Apparently this is what true
soulmates do, who both have tiny little fangs.
Banksy could learn things, all the time. Good or bad. Banksy's
brain was like a fancy handheld device engineered in Cupertino
and built in China. They totally had to have based iPhones on
Border Collies. She could do a million things way faster than I
could click any button and could do things I didn't even know I
had the app for. Sit, lie down, potty training, adorable little tricks,
all learned in an instant. My other dogs enjoyed being awarded
a scrap of cheese, a little cookie, or a piece of lint for a job
well done. Banksy just wanted that ball. Cookies were things to
spit out while scanning for the toy with laser beam eyes. There
was no teaching her to tug, this was pre-programmed into her
operating system. No download necessary.
Any sparkly, fuzzy edged visions I had of my idyllic life with my
perfect puppy flew out the door pretty quick. Here was my
karmic payback for all the years of teenage rebellion that gave
my mom and dad most of their gray hairs. There was no little
puppy trailing behind me at work, following me around the
pasture or trotting after me in the arena. No cute riding in
the shopping cart at Home Depot, chewing a little bone. Happily snoozing in a crate after playing, jumping up on the couch
with me and snuggling in my lap? As if. Even though she loved
to play, I had this weird feeling she didn't really like me.
My puppy just wanted action. She was action. All action, all the
time. She wanted the toy and she wanted it now. Her other

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February 16 | Clean Run

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Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Clean Run - February 2016