Clean Run - June 2017 - 58
Nobody's Fault But Mine,
Training the Led Zepplin Way
By Laura Hartwick, illustrations by author
There are three sacred truisms in my house: 1) We shalt not
ever, no how, no way, run out of coffee, dog food, and toilet
paper; 2) Always lock the gate; and 3) If Led Zeppelin is playing, it shalt not be turned off, nor down-never, no way. Word.
In general, I would say don't extract important life lessons
from Robert Plant and Jimmy Page. They were usually singing
about hobbits, sex, and smoking pot. But I'm so over motivational quotes from famous football coaches sprawled across
dramatically lit landscape panoramas with stop motion moisture droplets. I'd rather go looking for dog training inspiration
nuggets from a less picked over source and Led Zeppelin's
always been there for me. Shall we go looking for the bridge
in a chronological discography of advice?*
*Special note: We don't count Coda as a real album at our
house, but if you do let me know if you found any training
tips there.
Good times, bad times
You know I had my share
"Good Times, Bad Times"
Led Zeppelin I
You are not alone, agility trainers. Even Robert Plant agrees,
you're going to have days when
it's just not working. The bars
are coming down, the contact
criteria's become muddled,
your dog is baffled by what
your flapping arms murkily
suggest. These are the head
shaking days, the carrying the
dog back to the car days, the
58
packing it in early days. But they're guaranteed to be balanced
out by the days when it is working.You're running your fastest,
your dog turns in just the right spot, doesn't go in the tunnel,
nails the pole entry, and hits that down contact with breathtaking split feet deep in the yellow.You'll get your share of
both, just you wait.
Communication breakdown
It's always the same
I'm having a nervous breakdown
Drive me insane!
"Communication Breakdown" Led Zeppelin I
Righty-o, time to get the clicker out. Just do ten cookies. Make
it a bit smaller and easier. That might help. Hear that symbol
smashing before the guitar solo? Don't let that be your dog's
brain. Break it down to avoid a breakdown!
Happiness, no more be sad, happiness... I'm glad.
"Thank You" Led Zeppelin II
Hooray! No more popping that last
weave pole! Did you change where
you were throwing your toy? Maybe took a little break? Whatever it
was, Jimmy Page says nice job!
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh. Ah.
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
"Immigrant Song" Led Zeppelin III
Clean Run | June 17
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Clean Run - June 2017
Contents
Clean Run - June 2017 - Cover1
Clean Run - June 2017 - Cover2
Clean Run - June 2017 - Contents
Clean Run - June 2017 - 4
Clean Run - June 2017 - 5
Clean Run - June 2017 - 6
Clean Run - June 2017 - 7
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Clean Run - June 2017 - Cover3
Clean Run - June 2017 - Cover4
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