It is important the parents realize the Other Grandmother’s behavior is not normal. It is important that your daughter and her husband recognize that the OG’s behavior is not normal. Webster defines the act of mothering as “to care for and protect.” She is unable to do either. Kelly was absolutely right to set boundaries and refuse to subject herself to the OG’s criticism and derogatory remarks. How has your son-in-law related to his mother in the past? I suspect he has a long history of experiencing these maternal dramas. Kelly must enlist his support in attempting to smooth things with her; but unfortunately this disorder is characterized by a lack of remorse, which she clearly demonstrates by her indifference to Kelly’s hurt feelings or Rose’s needs. The OG’s lack of introspection also makes her a poor subject for psychotherapy: People like her are unwilling to look into themselves and feel justified blaming others for their problems. I applaud your daughter’s refusal to be intimidated and manipulated. She maintained her self-esteem and dignity and used natural and logical consequences when dealing with the OG’s inappropriate behavior. She and her husband cannot sacrifice their lives or that of their daughter to her demands. As Dr. Christine Lawson comments in her book, Understanding the Borderline Mother, “You can love the queen without becoming her subject.” In other words, rather than worrying about being disloyal they must worry first about their own needs and those of their child. I can imagine that this situation causes you anguish. Kelly has shown strength and will need your reassurance. Because they cannot expect the OG to change, I recommend that the new parents seek counseling to help support their resolve to establish boundaries, absolve their guilt and disappointment and maintain their determination to protect their family. They may also need support to withstand criticism from others who will not fully understand their situation. Please don’t let this problem interfere with your enjoyment of little Rose! G NOVEMBER DECEMBER 2008 GRAND 25http://www.grandparents.com