GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 25

It is important the parents realize the Other Grandmother’s behavior is not normal. It is important that your daughter and her husband recognize that the OG’s behavior is not normal. Webster defines the act of mothering as “to care for and protect.” She is unable to do either. Kelly was absolutely right to set boundaries and refuse to subject herself to the OG’s criticism and derogatory remarks. How has your son-in-law related to his mother in the past? I suspect he has a long history of experiencing these maternal dramas. Kelly must enlist his support in attempting to smooth things with her; but unfortunately this disorder is characterized by a lack of remorse, which she clearly demonstrates by her indifference to Kelly’s hurt feelings or Rose’s needs. The OG’s lack of introspection also makes her a poor subject for psychotherapy: People like her are unwilling to look into themselves and feel justified blaming others for their problems. I applaud your daughter’s refusal to be intimidated and manipulated. She maintained her self-esteem and dignity and used natural and logical consequences when dealing with the OG’s inappropriate behavior. She and her husband cannot sacrifice their lives or that of their daughter to her demands. As Dr. Christine Lawson comments in her book, Understanding the Borderline Mother, “You can love the queen without becoming her subject.” In other words, rather than worrying about being disloyal they must worry first about their own needs and those of their child. I can imagine that this situation causes you anguish. Kelly has shown strength and will need your reassurance. Because they cannot expect the OG to change, I recommend that the new parents seek counseling to help support their resolve to establish boundaries, absolve their guilt and disappointment and maintain their determination to protect their family. They may also need support to withstand criticism from others who will not fully understand their situation. Please don’t let this problem interfere with your enjoyment of little Rose! G NOVEMBER DECEMBER 2008 GRAND 25
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GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008

Grand Magazine - November/December 2008
Grand View
Contents
Isn't It Grand?
Grand Central
Ask Grand
Grand Gestures
Just So We Know
Full House-Full Heart-Full Time
First, Serve
On the Cover: Vice President-Elect Joe Biden
Incredibly Hip High-Tech Gifts
Foreign Exchange
Home (and Hungry!) for the Holidays
Being the Peace
Reunions
Together Time
Read Aloud
Grand Bazaar
Resources
Grand Finale
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Grand Magazine - November/December 2008
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Cover2
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 1
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Grand View
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 3
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Contents
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 5
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 6
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 7
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 8
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 9
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 10
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 11
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Isn't It Grand?
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 13
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 14
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Grand Central
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 16
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 17
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 18
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 19
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 20
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 21
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 22
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 23
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Ask Grand
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 25
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Grand Gestures
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 27
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Just So We Know
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 29
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 30
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 31
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Full House-Full Heart-Full Time
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 33
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 34
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 35
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - First, Serve
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 37
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 38
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 39
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - On the Cover: Vice President-Elect Joe Biden
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 41
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 42
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 43
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Incredibly Hip High-Tech Gifts
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 45
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 46
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 47
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Foreign Exchange
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 49
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 50
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 51
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Home (and Hungry!) for the Holidays
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 53
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 54
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 55
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 56
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 57
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Being the Peace
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 59
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Reunions
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 61
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 62
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 63
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 64
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 65
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Together Time
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 67
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Read Aloud
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 69
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 70
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 71
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Grand Bazaar
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 73
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 74
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 75
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Resources
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 77
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 78
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 79
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Grand Finale
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 81
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - 82
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Cover3
GRAND Magazine - November/December 2008 - Cover4
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