GRAND Magazine - February 2009 - 34

ask grand “There was a lot in the culture and legal system that conspired to keep us out of the lives of our own children, so in many ways we’ve been able to be more a parent for our grandchildren than we were for our children,” says Ken, who’s a practicing physician. “My daughter Kate was very young when we got together, so she’s really grown up with Bob,” Ken says. “Bob will go in with Kate to meet the school officials. And Kate often says, ‘This is my other dad,’ without the need to have any further explanation.” Having an extra father figure isn’t a big deal because of divorce in general, but Bob and Ken are also lucky to live in one of the more liberal parts of the country, the Washington, D.C., suburb of Silver Spring, Maryland. “We’re just the family that we are,” Ken says. “The only time attention is drawn to any difference is when we choose to.” When Bob and Ken planned their wedding ceremony in Maui in 2007, granddaughters Amelia and Matilda were part of it, spreading a circle of flowers on the ground while the ceremony was conducted. “While we were kissing, we felt a tug on our coattails,” Bob says. Matilda looked up and said, “I saw what you two did.” She’s had other outspoken moments since the ceremony. “Out of the clear blue, she’ll say, ‘You need to do something with your husband.’ It amazes me when they do that,” Bob says. “There’s just this wonderful, loving acceptance. We can be ourselves.” Ken’s medical practice keeps him busy, up to 90 hours a week, but one day every two weeks is a devoted grandchild day. “I use up a lot of available leave time,” he says. “They grow up and change so quickly, and I want to be a part of their day-to-day growing up. Grandchildren have been the best things that have happened in our lives.” Bob’s daughter from his previous marriage also has a daughter, Piper, 2. “There’s a treasure chest of emotion and feeling you don’t know is locked inside you until you meet your first grandchild.” Ken says he’s seen a huge shift in society’s attitude since his divorce. For the last several years, he and Kate have spoken to classes at the University of Maryland about diversity. “The year that Kate was pregnant with Amelia, the students were concerned,” he says. They were kind of saying to Kate, “You’ve accepted your dad, but what about your unborn child?” “We found that rather amusing, so the next year, we took the baby. The class was immediately won over. It’s been interesting to see that evolution. I think, as with so many issues I’ve watched unfold over the last three decades, there’s a lot of projected concern about something that seems new or different, but then when it’s about people in the context of a relationship, a lot of that dissipates. “You become a person rather than a concept, and a real family rather than the idea that you’re a threat to the family.” G Left to right: Ken, Amelia, Matilda, Bob (Photos courtesy of Ken Travers) ResouRces Family equality council: www.familyequality.org. A group advancing social justice for all families AARP: www.aarp.org. Visit the site’s forum on gay marriage and domestic partnerships Grampa Jack, by Rocky L. Doubenmier. A book about a grandfather who fights for custody of his grandson after the boy’s parents die. Available at www.amazon.com.  34 GRAND FEBRUARY 2009

http://www.familyequality.org http://www.aarp.org http://www.amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Grampa-Jack-Rocky-L-Doubenmier/dp/1425700489/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1232408469&sr=1-1

GRAND Magazine - February 2009

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - February 2009