GRAND Magazine - April 2009 - (Page 30)

ask grand The toxic mom By LiLLian Carson When a noncustodial parent undermines the children’s emotional development, it’s time to say, “Enough.” Q We are struggling with a very difficult problem. By court order, our three grandchildren, 6, 7 and 9 years old, have lived with us for five years. this was precipitated by a traumatic tirade by the mother’s boyfriend in the middle of the night when he grabbed a hammer, smashed windows above the children as they slept and dragged them out of bed and around the house. the mother managed to flee into the cold, wet night with the children. the children’s father, our son, blamed himself for this event and went into a deep depression and refuses help. our grandchildren’s mother has never been able to care for them properly and has become worse through the years. she continually disappoints the children by failing to show up as promised and makes excuses with lies the children see through. this often leaves them grief stricken and inconsolable. We understand that the children need their mother, but how can we protect them from continual disappointment? in and raising your grandchildren. Your grandchildren have been severely traumatized by the loss of their mother and the diminished condition of their father. The children’s behavior indicates they are experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Current research on PTSD explains that this anxiety disorder develops after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. A My hat’s off to you for stepping Their memories and persistent frightening thoughts remain and, in attempts to escape the pain, lead to emotional numbing. They may also have sleep problems and may startle easily. The ongoing trauma your grandchildren are experiencing must be stopped. You have given the mother five years to “get her act together,” and she’s been unable to do so. Yes, children need their mothers—but her behavior is emotional abuse. She is a toxic influence. The intense feelings of rejection her actions 30 GRAND APRIL 2009 Click and connect to more resources instantly where you see this symbol: 

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - April 2009

GRAND Magazine - April 2009
GRAND Central
Editor's Podcast
Lettuce Love You
Bewitched, Betwixt and Tween
Ask Grand: The Toxic Mom
The Breakfast Club
Sibling Boosters
Will They Be Misfits?
A Return to Elegance
What Makes Us Sick? A Quiz
GRAND Finale

GRAND Magazine - April 2009