GRAND Magazine - May/June 2013 - (Page 44-45)

grandparent rights Grand Expectations Must Reading for Every GRANDparent Make the most of time spent with your grandchildren BY susan hoffMan D ear Susan: I suppose I should be happy with what I have, but I can’t help but want more when it comes to spending time with my grandchildren. For some reason, my access to the kids is monitored. I have asked many times for permission to take them out alone, and the response is always the same: “No” . . . no explanation given. I just don’t get it. This is so frustrating because whenever I visit my grandkids, they always beg me to stay longer and ask to come to my house. I can tell this annoys my daughter by the way she brushes them off. My daughter makes me feel so uncomfortable the way she scrutinizes everything I say and do. I wish I could be myself and take the kids on a relaxing outing without her. I was thinking about having a heartto-heart with her about my feelings and how much this hurts the kids, but I am afraid of the consequences. — Monitored Grandma Dear Monitored: I understand your desire to be more involved in your grandkids’ lives and your disappointment when that doesn’t happen. The conflict stems from the discrepancy between your expectation of the way the grandparent-grandchild relationship should be and the reality of how things really are. Mom has her way of doing things and you have yours, and unfortunately, they are not in sync. First, lose your expectations about the situation, and the frustration will begin to melt away. What counts most is that you have the oppor44 GRAND MAY JUNE 2013 tunity to visit your grandchildren and be part of their lives. So be grateful for what you have rather than fretting about what you don’t have, and do your best to improve the quality of the short time you’re given. As for your uneasiness during visits, that is something only you can change by changing your attitude about your daughter and focusing more on enjoying the children. Expressing your feelings about visitation time in the hopes of tugging at the parent’s heartstrings and making them regret the hurt they have caused won’t work. As stated in A Precious Bond: “The parents do not want to hear about the grandparent’s feelings. Some have boldly told the grandparents that their feelings are not a priority. “Maybe grandparents feel better expressing how they feel to the parents, but it won’t help. Do not spill your guts hoping to make them understand your feelings about your grandchild or even emphasizing the child’s feelings. They are the parents and don’t need to be reminded by the grandparent about how the visitation issue is affecting the child.” Susan Hoffman is the author of A Precious Bond and the director of AFGGC, producers of A Precious Bond, the first documentary film about unreasonably denied grandparent visitation. Visit for more information or to order the film or book. Support Grandparents We offer FREE counseling to grandparents who are struggling to reconnect with their grandchildren. Help Grandchildren Grandparent involvement helps grandchildren to thrive and become well adjusted. DoNAtE For a $13.50 donation, we will send you a copy of our book Grand Wishes. MAY JUNE 2013 GRAND 45

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - May/June 2013

GRAND Magazine - May/June 2013
Slaying Dragons
You’ve Come a Long Way, Granny
Electrical Safety
Let’s Pretend
The Grandest Gift
Born Free’s Virginia McKenna
My Aging Brain
Judy Cockerton: Foster parent and innovator
10 Best Story Books for Babies & Toddlers
Grand Expectations
Fun Toys for Kids of All Ages
Annuities Simplified
News, Products, Tips, and Resources for Today’s Grandparents
Sure Cure for Senior-Time Blues
It’s a Wonderful Life
When a Child Is Removed from the Parents’ Home

GRAND Magazine - May/June 2013