GRAND Magazine - September/October 2016 - 37

can you relate?

CONNECT WITH GRAND

Are we hard-wired
to be grandparents?
BY SUE ELLEN COOPER,
RED HAT SOCIETY

t's common for most of us to progress through certain roles in
life in some sort of order. First we are children - and, concurrently, grandchildren. Because my own parents lost their parents so early, my sisters and I missed the grandchildren role completely. But I have enjoyed hearing my husband's reminiscences
about his own years with his caring, nurturing grandparents.
He grew up in a rural area, with only an orange grove between
his parents' and his grandparents' homes. He fondly remembers
sitting in his grandpa's lap as he plowed the land; often being
lulled to sleep by the rocking of the tractor and the steady hum
of its engine. He spent hours sitting in their kitchen, watching his
grandma cook her down-home type meals and delectable fruit
pies (made from his grandparents' own fruit trees) and licking her
mixing spoons, his mouth already watering in anticipation. Deep
into his teenage years he continued to go to his grandparents for
guidance, advice and hours of warm companionship and loving
acceptance. They were like parents - only better.

I usually feel a bit of an ache inside
when I hear these stories, having
missed the chance to know my own
grandparents

37 GRAND

SEPTEMBER OCTOBER 2016

While I am glad for my husband's happy memories, I usually feel
a bit of an ache inside when I hear these stories, having missed the
chance to know my own grandparents. For years I had no particular
reference for the word, "grandparent," other than the stereotypical
images of grandparents in the media, and I couldn't have told you
what it was that grandparents actually did. Apparently, they made
their grandchildren's lives special just by existing.
But then - finally - I became a grandparent myself! To my surprise, I found that having no experience with grandparents wasn't
the disadvantage I had thought it might be. Grandparenting
isn't something you can prepare for, any more than parenting is.
Suddenly you are there, and you have to immediately assume the
mantle and start playing the role of grandma. Sounds like a recipe
for anxiety!
Except that it isn't. Just as in the case of a new parent, one's
lack of experience and knowledge hardly matters, because - along
with that new child - comes an enormous overload of love which
makes you long to serve this little person, to hold and love her, just
to spend time in her presence and care for her. You will never have
to overthink your new role. You discover that this is hard-wired into
you. All you have to do is plunge in, enjoy it, and follow your heart.
Personally, I can't think of a better role to play.
Sue Ellen Cooper
Exalted Queen Mother
Red Hat Society

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Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - September/October 2016