GRAND Magazine - September/October 2016 - 9


grand living

CONNECT WITH GRAND

Continued from previous page

Learn, Reflect and Live

There's always something new to explore in life. Living
a grand life means becoming more full and vibrant as
you collect new experiences. It's about striving toward
new goals and reaching new heights with a greater
sense of fulfillment and purpose.
What it comes down to is we're all still growing and
evolving, too-just like our kids and grandkids. We're
learning to grandparent, constantly discovering who
we are as adults, as parents, and now as grandparents.
We've moved past a time when grandparenting meant
sitting back in your chair and tsk-tsking at "those darn
kids today." Most of us still feel like we're not quite
fully grown ourselves. We're still learning and changing
and that's a great thing!
But learning and growing also requires reflection.
It might mean working through mistakes in your past
and facing the tough challenges you're still working
9 GRAND

SEPTEMBER OCTOBER 2016

to overcome head-on. Just as no one
is a perfect parent, we aren't perfect
grandparents in the eyes of the children we imperfectly parented. It can be
difficult-even painful-to think back
on some of our own parenting missteps. It can be even more challenging
as we look at our children's parenting
styles now and see them mirroring our
slipups.
When it comes to reexamining tough
times in the past, for many of us, our
first reaction is resistance or avoidance.
But really reflecting on how we raised
our children can bring great clarity to
our relationships with our adult kids-
and working toward that clarity is a big
part of living a grand life.

Open a dialogue

Part of evolving and growing means facing the hard
questions. There's no time like the present to get
things out on the table. Many of us spend a great
deal of time avoiding conflict with our adult children
because we want to be part of their lives and fear
rocking the boat. For some of us, really becoming
reengaged and closer to our kids means we need to
air out the dirty laundry. This may cause some tension, even conflict.
Here's the good news: Conflict helps us grow and
become closer. It's true!

So how do you begin?

How do we find how far we can go? It starts with
establishing clear boundaries for us with the
kids. This means you're going to need to ask for

guidelines. Do a gut-check before you begin, prepare
to really listen, and be ready to get some answers that
may be difficult to hear.

In advance, ask yourself:

* On a scale of 1 to 10, how eager is your son
or daughter to hear your advice?
* How much do they want you involved?
* How much do they want to hear your feelings and
thoughts about their parenting?

Then ask your kids:

* In an ideal world, how would you like our relationship
to be?
* How involved would you like me to be in your
children's lives?
* What kind of advice do you most appreciate
from me?
* What kind of advice from me ticks you off?
* In short, what are our rules of engagement?
You might read these questions and cringe.
You might feel afraid to hear their answers.

Continue Reading

Relationships experts, world-class
coaches, and best-selling authors,
Dr. Judith and Dr. Bob Wright
are co-founders of the Wright
Foundation for the Realization of
Human Potential and The Wright
Graduate University and authors of
The Heart of the Fight

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Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - September/October 2016