GRAND Magazine - January/February 2018 - 16

ask dr. gramma karen

Does this make me a bad grandma?

A
Must--‐Read
for
Grandparents

BY KAREN L. RANCOURT

Dear Dr. Gramma Karen,

When my daughter, Mandy, was nine months pregnant,
her boyfriend was sentenced to six months of work release.
She had the baby and stayed with us for several months. I did
all I could to help take care of my grandson, Peter, who was a
fussy baby. After my daughter moved back to her own home,
I still baby sat. Her boyfriend eventually came home and
took care of Peter while Mandy worked two jobs. They often
brought Peter to see me.
I have serious health issues and they have worsened,
recently, causing me to have three major surgeries. I am constantly in severe pain. My husband and I couldn't afford to keep
our original home, so we now live in a smaller place and it is a
bit cluttered. I am still awaiting disability. I also have a 13-yearold daughter who has her own serious medical problems and is
facing some surgery.
Things are not good between Mandy and me. She first started
getting angry with me when I told her I couldn't run after Peter
anymore, who is now 17 months old, and that it was easier for
me to watch him at her house which has all his equipment, toys,
and things. She has a new boyfriend who is in the house a lot
and he would rather I take care of Peter at my house.
After several disagreements about the boyfriend wanting
Peter to come to my house, and my wanting to watch him at
her house, Mandy got really angry with me and told me I was
a pathetic grandmother, that I should be doing more for her
family, that I should stop using my health as an excuse, and
that I need to learn how to be a grandmother again.
The final straw was when she said she was going to teach
me a lesson and told me I couldn't see Peter anymore. My
heart is so broken. I feel overwhelmed and stretched to the
limit. I have cried so much over this. Does this make me a bad
grandma? What is your advice?
16 GRAND

JANUARY FEBRUARY 2018

Dr. Gramma Karen's response

My gracious! It is not surprising that
you are feeling totally overwhelmed
- you are dealing with several major
sources of stress in your life: physical, emotional, financial, and familial
relationships. My first recommendation is that you read the article Stress
Symptoms, Signs, and Causes: The
Effects of Stress Overload and What
You Can Do About It, published by
Helpguide, an internationally recognized resource for information
on mental health. In this article you
will find good information, as well
as a quiz to assess your stress level.
Another stress level assessment can
be found at here;

Continue to read

Look
Inside
"This
book...set
me
straight.
I
wasn't
sure
where
my
boundaries
were
as
a
grandma..."
"Karen
identiﬁes
the
cause
and
eﬀect
of
family
issues
in
plain
and
simple
language."
--‐
Amazon.com
Reviewers

Karen L. Rancourt, Ph.D., writes
an advice column for parents and
grandparents at Mommybites.
com and is the author of Ask Dr.
Gramma Karen, Volume II: Savvy
Advice to Help Soothe ParentGrandparent Conflicts.

Show me the book!

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0994809700/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0994809700&linkId=c0cf2342749a51234e00421ef2df453e https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003B6QYSW/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B003B6QYSW&linkId=74a78ba0a510c9871c2e38f745d59213 https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Gramma-Karen-Vol-Parent-Grandparent/dp/0989627470/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-symptoms-signs-and-causes.htm https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-symptoms-signs-and-causes.htm https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-symptoms-signs-and-causes.htm https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-symptoms-signs-and-causes.htm http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/life-change-stress-test http://www.grandmagazine.com/2017/12/does-this-make-me-a-bad-grandma/ http://www.askdrgrammakaren.com/ http://www.mommybites.com/ http://www.mommybites.com/ https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Gramma-Karen-Vol-Parent-Grandparent/dp/0989627470/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Gramma-Karen-Vol-Parent-Grandparent/dp/0989627470/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Gramma-Karen-Vol-Parent-Grandparent/dp/0989627470/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Gramma-Karen-Vol-Parent-Grandparent/dp/0989627470/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr

GRAND Magazine - January/February 2018

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - January/February 2018