GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 30

ask dr. gramma karen

Should children attend a grandparent's funeral?

A	
  Must--‐Read	
  for	
  
Grandparents

BY KAREN L. RANCOURT

A

young dad recently wanted my advice whether
his six-year-old daughter should attend his
mother's funeral. I offered him four main
considerations.
Some parents of young children do not want their
young children to attend a funeral because the service is highly ritualized and has little meaning for a child.
Many parents do not want their children exposed
to religious doctrine because they fear it can result in
young children having fears about life and death, or
the doctrine is contrary to what they want their young
children exposed to.
Another consideration is that parents may not want
their young children to attend any part of a service or
funeral that takes place at a cemetery, as the lowering
of a casket into the ground or the burying of an urn or
the scattering of ashes can be a terrifying experience
for a young child.
Some funerals focus on people sharing their memories of and stories about the deceased and include
lots of laughter as well as tears.
Many parents want their young children to experience this type of funeral or memorial service, especially if those speaking about the deceased are people
known to the child.
A parent might ask the child if he/she would like
to be present when Grandma's family and friends tell
stories about her. Let the child know that some people
will cry when they think about how much they loved
Grandma and how much they will miss her, but stories
that make us cry and laugh are an important part of
honoring and remembering someone.

1

2

30 GRAND

SEPTEMBER OCTOBER 2018

Look	
  Inside

3

A relative or friend can bring young children to just
those aspects of the funeral that personalize the
deceased, and not have them present for the parts
that are religious and/or ritualized. I have had parents
tell me that they feel such relief to know that they
don't have to commit their young children to an entire
funeral or service.
Although dying grandparents may express their
opinion as to whether a grandchild should attend
their funeral, the final decision rests with the parents.
After his mother died, I heard from the young dad
who had asked for my advice. He said he and his wife
decided that his daughter should spend the day of

4

"This	
  book...set	
  me	
  
straight.	
  I	
  wasn't	
  sure	
  
where	
  my	
  boundaries	
  
were	
  as	
  a	
  grandma..."
Grandma's funeral with her best friend's family. He said
that if their daughter had been a few years older they
would probably have included her for the eulogies.
Difficult decisions, such as these, will vary from one
family to another.

"Karen	
  identifies	
  the	
  
cause	
  and	
  effect	
  of	
  
family	
  issues	
  in	
  plain	
  
and	
  simple	
  language."
--‐	
  Amazon.com	
  Reviewers

Karen L. Rancourt, Ph.D., writes
an advice column for parents and
grandparents at Mommybites.com
and is the author of Ask Dr. Gramma
Karen, Volume II: Savvy Advice to
Help Soothe Parent-Grandparent
Conflicts.

Show me the book!


https://www.twitter.com/grandMmagazine https://www.facebook.com/GRANDmagazine/ https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Gramma-Karen-Vol-Parent-Grandparent/dp/0989627470/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr http://www.Amazon.com http://www.askdrgrammakaren.com/ https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Gramma-Karen-Vol-Parent-Grandparent/dp/0989627470/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr http://www.mommybites.com/ https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Gramma-Karen-Vol-Parent-Grandparent/dp/0989627470/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Gramma-Karen-Vol-Parent-Grandparent/dp/0989627470/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Gramma-Karen-Vol-Parent-Grandparent/dp/0989627470/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Gramma-Karen-Vol-Parent-Grandparent/dp/0989627470/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Gramma-Karen-Vol-Parent-Grandparent/dp/0989627470/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr

GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018

Contents
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 1
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 2
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 3
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - Contents
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 5
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 6
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 7
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 8
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 9
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 10
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 11
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 12
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 13
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 14
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 15
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 16
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 17
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 18
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 19
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 20
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 21
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 22
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 23
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 24
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 25
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 26
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 27
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 28
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 29
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 30
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 31
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 32
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 33
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 34
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 35
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 36
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 37
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 38
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 39
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 40
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 41
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 42
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 43
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 44
GRAND Magazine - September/October 2018 - 45
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/2020fall
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/2020fall_v2
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/2020summer
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/2020spring
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/2020winter
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20191112
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20190910
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20190708
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20190506
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20190304
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20190102
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20181112_drm
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20181112
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20180910
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20180708
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20180506
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20180304
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20180102
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20171112
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20170910
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20170708
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20170506
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20170304
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20170102
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20161112_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20160910_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20160708_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20160506_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20160304_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20160102_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20151112_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20150910_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20150708_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20150506_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20150304_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20150102_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/201401112_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20140910_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20140708_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20140506_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20140304_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20140102_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20131112_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20130910_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20130708_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20130506_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20130304_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20130102_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20121112_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20120910_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20120708_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20120506_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20120304_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20120102_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20111112_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20110910_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20110708_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20110506_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20110304_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20110102_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20101112_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20100910_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20100708_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20100506_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20100304_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/201001_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/200912_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/200911_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/200910_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/200909_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/200908_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/200907_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/200906_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/200905_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20080910_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/200904_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/200903_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/200902_v3
https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20081112_v6
https://www.nxtbookmedia.com