GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019 - 27
invisible grands
What's love got to do with it?
BY PAT HANSON
W
hether we are with our grandchildren or separate from
them for reasons of distance,
or complicated estrangement issues
with their parents, (our adult children),
we invisible grands need to take care of
ourselves.
My husband has been involved for 12
years in Breakthrough Men's Community
that is a guided, life-changing exploration
where they work together to tackle
the challenges all men (and women)
face.
Much of their work is based on
a practical definition of love from
teacher and writer David Richo's
principles of the 5 A's of human
fulfillment. In his book, How to be
an Adult in Relationships: The
Five Keys to Mindful Loving, Richo
writes that at every stage of life,
our inner self requires the nurturance of loving people attuned
to our feelings and responsive to
our needs, who can foster our inner
resources of personal power, lovability, and serenity. Isn't that what
we all want grandparents to do? Those who love us understand us
and are available to us, make room for us to be who we are.
By adopting the five A's, ways can be found to show love to
others and ourselves, even when it seems most difficult.
Attention: to notice, be with, observe, sense, listen, engage,
hear, face & invite;
27 GRAND
MARCH APRIL 2019
Acceptance: to welcome, receive, be with,
trust, respect, include, make room for, turn
toward;
Appreciation: to recognize, treasure, value,
honor, cherish, acknowledge, understand &
thank;
Affection: to hold close, embrace, nurture,
care for, devote, empathize; and finally:
Allowing: supporting one's choices, while not
necessarily agreeing with them.
In his book, The Five Things
We Cannot Change and
the Happiness We Find By
Embracing Them Richo explains
that there are core challenges
that we all face, five unavoidable
givens, that come to visit all of
us many times over. Invisible
grandparents experience these
all too often :
* Everything changes and
ends.
* Life is not always fair.
* Pain is part of life.
* People are not loving and loyal all the time.
We were all born with four words engraved
on our bodies and in our hearts: "Love me, hold
me." But when these are challenged, we need
to apply the five A's to ourselves and our loved
ones and hold on to the possibility that positive
change can happen.
Dr. Pat Hanson is a seasoned health
educator, public speaker, and workshop
facilitator. She is the author of Invisible
Grandparenting: Leave A Legacy Of Love
Whether You Can Be There or Not. She
is the author of Invisible Grandparenting:
Leave a Legacy of Love whether You Can
be There or Not and In Search of Stillness:
My Final Frontier.
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GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019
Contents
GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019 - 1
GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019 - 2
GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019 - 3
GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019 - Contents
GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019 - 5
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