GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019 - 29

legacy

Seeing your values in action

Thankfully I've had 60 some-odd years with each of my children.
But more time together doesn't always mean more influence. For
40+ of those years my children have been independent adults.
And for many parents, the four or five years before that, as teenagers, many kids at least thought they were independent adults.
For many parents the teen years were spent trying to purposely
defy our values!
That's why I was so moved about the care my children gave
me in my time of need. That is a value that was so important to
my wife Margaret and me: You care about every member of the
family and you take care of them. As a parent, of course, we took
care of all of our children's physical needs as they grew-up. We
nurtured them. We got them through college.

The value of caring for a family
member in need

It goes deeper. I took care of my wife Margaret for eight years as
she suffered with cancer. I didn't send her any place. She stayed
at home. I took care of my mom after my dad died. To me it was
what you did.
Both of my children live out of town. They easily could have
made very fine and competent arrangements to have a caretaker
at home with me as I recovered. But they didn't. My son Michael
took "first shift," caring for me for a week in his home in Madison
(I was in Madison when the attack happened). He then drove me
to Deerfield before heading back to catch up with his busy psychiatry practice. Then my daughter Ellen took time away from
her job as COO of a $280M not-for-profit social service agency to
spend the next week with me at my home.
I was aglow. Beyond the absolute joy of being surrounded by
their love, I realized how this demonstrated their commitment
to this value that had been so important to Margaret and me.
Family cares for family.

I was aglow. Beyond the absolute joy
of being surrounded by their love, I
realized how this demonstrated their
commitment to this value that had
been so important to Margaret and
me. Family cares for family.

Values, from one generation
to the next

The glow was not just "you love me," (although that is a great
feeling). It was knowing that the teaching and learning culture of
our family had meant something. It was feeling that my wife and
I had taught them values that were now part of their being, part
of who they are. And part of what they, in their turn, are passing
onto their own children, my grandchildren.

Jerry Witkovsky, author of
The Grandest Love is a longtime social work professional,
grandparenting activist, and
passionate grandpa. Jerry
offers fresh approaches to
help grandparents enter
their grandchild's world, to leave values, not just
valuables and create a living legacy. Jerry created the
Grandparent-Grandchild Connection School Program
and curricula with Deanna Shoss, President & CEO of
Intercultural Talk, Inc., in 2016, to work with schools as
the platform to teach grandparents and grandchildren
how to enter each other's world. Learn more here
29 GRAND

MARCH APRIL 2019

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GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019