GRAND Magazine - July/August 2019 - 30

legacy

Three tips for you on asking questions
It's been duly noted on my end to take a closer look at how I get information from and
about my grandchildren. Here are some other tips that I hope might be helpful to you.
1. Ask them to tell a story
At least when my grandchildren were school-aged, opening with "tell me a story
It's not an interrogation. I just love you.
about..." rather than asking a direct question worked extremely well. For example, "tell
First, of course, I am sorry. That was never my intent to put pressure on you by asking me a story about school."
questions. Perhaps it's aging. For me, time works a little differently. At 91, there's an
2. Ask open ended questions
urgency to see things through to completion as quickly as possible. So I may ask about
This is a good interviewer's trick. Open-ended questions are those that can't be
the same projects, things you are working on, more urgently. But that is about me. Not answered with "yes" or "no." "Did you have a good day at school?" or "did you have fun
about any judgment of you or what you are doing.
at your friend's house?" are examples of this. "What did you do at your friend's house?"
would be an open-ended question. Or, catch them off-guard with something a little
Please share, and please tell me.
quirky-"What did you eat at your friend's house?" That can get things started and take
So please share with me, and know my questions are out of love and a need to conit from there.
nect and to truly know you. That's why I ask for copies of the papers you are writing in
3. Understand that there may be things they don't want to talk about
school, the name of the textbook you are using to teach that college course. And, that's
There may be times when your grandchild doesn't want to talk, or subjects they don't
why sometimes I even bring "an agenda" with me to our Sunday brunch. I don't want to want to talk about with you. Respect them when they tell you that. It's important that
forget anything you are doing, your interests, your world.
they have someone to talk to, when it's not you. You might ask "do you have someone
And, of course, you can always let me know if I ask questions about things you don't to talk to about it?" if you are concerned for them. If they say no, suggest a parent or
want to talk about. The other thing about getting older is our filters fade away. There's
teacher or someone that they trust. And reassure them, "I understand you don't want to
not enough time left to censor ourselves or worry about what others will think. We
talk about this. But please know that I am always here for you if you do want to talk."
think. We say. Sorry!
y grandson Ethan says that when I ask him questions it shows that I love him.
Another grandson says my questions don't bother him because he's set and
confident in what he's doing. But there was that one time that someone suggested my questions felt like an interrogation.

Know that I love you and I need your connection.
You have no idea how isolating and lonely getting older can be. Suddenly a quick trip
to the grocery store or post office has become something to plan in advance. I don't
have all of the regular casual social interactions you have during the day. And, living
alone, I am most often, that: alone.
You can blame me for the surge in participation awards.
Some complain that today's youth have too many participation awards. In youth
sports it's no longer about who won the game, but who showed up. Good job, we say!
And maybe it was people like me who started that. Because to me everything you do is
exciting.
30 GRAND

JULY-AUG 2019

Jerry Witkovsky, Author of The Grandest
Love and a long-time social work
professional, grandparenting activist,
and passionate grandpa, author Jerry
Witkovsky offers fresh approaches
to help grandparents enter their
grandchild's world, to leave values, not
just valuables and create a living legacy. Jerry shares more
about the Grandparent-Grandchild Connection School
Program and encourages grandparents to unleash their
creativity and unique gifts to transform their family at www.
grandparentsunleashed.com.

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GRAND Magazine - July/August 2019

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