GRAND Magazine - July/August 2019 - 31

ask dr. gramma karen

Should grandparents share their views on
sex, drugs, and alcohol?

A
Must--‐Read
for
A Must Read for
Grandparents
Everyone!

BY KAREN L. RANCOURT

reader recently sought my
advice. She wrote: "Our two
grandchildren have just - gasp!
- entered their teen years. We're
hoping you can give us advice on
talking with them about peer pressure
and issues involving sex, drugs, and
alcohol.
"We are fortunate in that we are on
the same page as their parents in these
matters, but we also feel that as their
grandparents we might have some different approaches and opportunities
to share than what they have with their
parents.
"Our grandchildren are very open with
us, for example, when something happens
in their lives they call to tell us, so we want
to make sure these lines stay open.
"Is it even our place to engage with them on
these topics?"
My response
You are correct in feeling that many grandparents hold exalted positions in the eyes of their
grandchildren. As pointed out in an excellent pamphlet published by Partnership for Drug-Free Kids,
"The Power of Grandparents: Grandparents
Play an Important Role in Preventing their
Grandchildren from Drinking and Using Drugs,"
"Grandparents are cool. Relaxed. They're not o
n
the firing line every day. Some days a kid hates
his folks. He never hates his grandparents. The

31 GRAND

JULY-AUG 2019

Parents are going to have varying positions on whether they want the grandparents
involved in discussions with their children
about various serious topics, depending on
their parenting practices and the relationships involved. Options for the grandparents
include: (1) No involvement; (2) Some involvement with preparation; (3) Free reign.

same kid who cons his parents is ashamed to lie to
Grandma or Grandpa. As a grandparent, you hold
a special place in the hearts and minds of your
grandchildren..."
That said, I applaud you and your husband for
wanting to exercise caution in sharing your opinions and experiences with your grandchildren
when it comes to the topic of the peer pressures
they are facing, or most likely will face. For a quick,
and perhaps distressing, understanding of today's
peer pressure among young people, I recommend
watching a seven-minute video from NBC News
Today, " 'Teens Tell All' In Candid Talks About
Drugs, Sexting, Hooking Up: What Every Parent
Needs to Know." And, I hasten to add, what every
grandparent needs to know!

Check with the parents first!
Even if you are pretty sure which of the
three options applies to you, I urge you to
double check with the parents first.
I cannot over emphasize the need to
check with the parents to get an idea of
where they are vis-à-vis the three general
areas of responses I suggest, even when
you think you know how they'll respond.
Many a grandparent has rued the day they miscalculated the appropriateness of their involvement,
perhaps being accused of crossing boundaries,
and finding they jeopardized their relationship with
their grandchildren's parents.

Click here to continue reading
Karen L. Rancourt, Ph.D., writes
an advice column for parents and
grandparents at Mommybites.com.
Her most recent book is, It's All
About Relationships: New Ways to
Make Them Healthy and Fulfilling,
at Home and at Work.

Look
Inside
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book...set
me
straight.
I
wasn't
sure
This
book
the
where
mtakes
y
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thorniwere
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randma..."
ness out of relationships.

No
more ibeing
confused,
"Karen
dentiﬁes
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tionship
even worse!
--‐
Amazon.com
Reviewers

Show me the book!

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GRAND Magazine - July/August 2019

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