GRAND Magazine - Spring 2020 - 24

grandparenting

Good grandparenting:
don't manage, consult!
BY LINDA AND RICHARD EYRE

T

his article is particularly for grandparents with teen-aged grandchildren. Let's start by
focusing on two words that describe and define two very different roles: Manager:
A person in charge; with responsibility, with authority; one who decides and directs.
Consultant: A person who helps other people with their goals; one who
advises and assists.
What a difference! With small children, parents and grandparents are the
managers. But with adolescents it all changes-not only in degree, but in
kind. A whole different type of relationship needs to evolve between you and
your grandkids-one where we try to respond to their initiative, to help them
with their goals, to back off and give them space to make their own decisions, but to be always willing and ready to help.
Our grandparental instincts are to give them everything and to simply "tell
them what they need to know." But as grandkids reach their teens, what they
really need you to be is a reliable consultant.
Consultant-style inputs complement and enhance their growing independence, and will keep them coming back to you for advice.

"

"

Imagine, for example, that you are concerned about
how a grandson talks disrespectfully to his mother

The most effective route away from managing and toward consulting is
to ask questions. That is the prime skill of all good consultants. Ask (with
positive interest and with no judgment) every question you can think of. Get
inside your grandkids' heads and their hearts and understand where they're
coming from. And learn to wait for the magic moments when they ask you
for advice!

24 GRAND

SPRING 2020

Continued on next page


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GRAND Magazine - Spring 2020

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Contents
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