GRAND Magazine - Spring 2020 - 33

legacy
Call it agism, but I've since come to
I struggled when my granddaughter Katie moved in with her
understand (from my son and others
boyfriend, now husband, Lance.
to whom I've suggested this topic
Granted, they were fully-grown-up
for a blog post), that apparently
adults-in their late 20's--but had
an "old man" shouldn't approach
no plans, when they moved in, to get
"young girls" to talk about sex. Go figure. But I was
married. Everyone told me "times have
having trouble letting go of the topic. The premise
changed. That would be crazy to get married withof the article swirled around "me too" and "consent," and the implied respect for others and caring out living together first! You just don't understand,
Grandpa."
for another human being in a relationship.
They were right. I didn't. And, the more times
"No" was the lesson for girls in my day. change, I'm not convinced that they get better.
There's something to be said for being the most
"No means no" is an important lesson special person in the world to someone else.
Margaret and I expressed our values to our chilfor boys these days.
dren, and I hope that all parents will have "the talk"
In my day, things were black and white. No sex
with their children. Not just what goes where, per se,
before marriage. Contrary to thinking that's restric- but the responsibility that comes with it. "No" was
tive and unrealistic, for (some of) my generation it the lesson for girls in my day. "No means no" is an
was a fantastical love story. I will find the one and
important lesson for boys these days.
only and save myself for her (or him.) My Margaret
If it's taboo for grandparents
was just that. I still remember our first dance. Our
to have the talk, I at least
first kiss. Our many years together until she passed.
For me, I wouldn't have had it any other way.
encourage grandparents to talk
And I'm not alone. As another grandparent
to their
shared on Facebook, "My wife and I have been
adult children so that they
together for 47 years, married 42 years. I was 16
are having the talk.
and she was 14 when we started dating. August
5, 1972 was our first date/first kiss. I was all done
If it's taboo for grandparents to have the
looking after that kiss. But we both knew it after
talk, I at least encourage grandparents to
talk to their adult children so that they are
that kiss."

"
33 GRAND

SPRING 2020

having the talk. And for those grandparents who
were talking, the themes of honesty, truth, love and
respect were common threads.
What kids don't learn from parents they will
glean from their friends. Or they may be learning it
from state-mandated school education programs.
Which, while well-intended, may not align with
your ideas. This is too important to have no idea
what your children are learning.
Regardless of when or under what circumstances
two people decide to have sex, there are some
things that I hope would never change. That they
are old enough and able enough to make their
own autonomous decisions and understand the
consequences (disease, pregnancy, etc.). And, that
the two people care about each other, respect each
other, see the other person's essence as a unique
individual, whether the relationship is one night
(which I don't think it should be) or one lifetime.
Jerry Witkovsky, Author of The
Grandest Love and a longtime social work professional,
grandparenting activist,
and passionate grandpa,
author Jerry Witkovsky
offers fresh approaches to
help grandparents enter
their grandchild's world,
to leave values, not just valuables and create
a living legacy. Jerry shares more about the
Grandparent-Grandchild Connection School
Program and encourages grandparents to
unleash their creativity and unique gifts to
transform their family at
www.grandparentsunleashed.com.

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GRAND Magazine - Spring 2020

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - Spring 2020