GRAND Magazine - Summer 2021 - 9

relationships
3. Listen more, talk less. Never discuss personal
beliefs or history; never reveal what you think of
someone else, what you expect to happen in some
instance, or any personal background. Never... and
that really means never!
4. Head 'em off at the pass. You know what they
are likely to say to your boss, colleague, neighbor,
parent, or relative-so present your different/
more accurate viewpoint early and often.
5. Mobilize your allies, be they family
members, colleagues, or neighbors. Speak
to them in advance of meetings and discuss
how you will " manage " the untrustworthy
person. Avoid confrontation if at all possible.
Never be duped into an argument
that may make you look
like the " bad guy. "
6. Limit your interactions
as much as possible to situations
that constrain or
eliminate discretionary
behaviors. Research
has shown that even
untrustworthy people
are more conditionally
trustworthy when social situations
" constrain " them into
being so. In contrast, one's true
character is more likely to surface in
situations where cultural and social
rules are less well defined. While
trustworthy people do not change
their behaviors based on the situation
at hand, untrustworthy people's
9 GRAND Summer 2021
behaviors can change when the social setting, or
someone else, isn't monitoring their actions.
7. Be prepared for charm as well as confrontation!
A negative interaction with an untrustworthy person
can be contentious and difficult. But don't forget that
an untrustworthy person can often be charismatic
and charming. In fact, charmers are repeatedly the
most dangerous of all. We can easily be duped by
a charmer, especially if we tend to want to trust
people too much.
8. Be transparent. When possible, document
every conversation or transaction
in writing. This eliminates
the chance that you will be
misquoted, and creates a
written, evidential record. If
necessary forward this documentation
on to people in
authority (this can be mom
and dad, your boss, CEO, or
president of the homeowner's
association).
9. Validate everything
untrustworthy people say or do.
Never take their statements at face value.
10. Be Vigilant! Exercise caution in every
interaction you have with an untrustworthy
person.
11. Have a good understanding of your
own propensity to trust someone. Imagine
a scale ranging 1-10 from very unlikely to
very likely and ask yourself how likely you
would be to trust someone you had never
met before. You have no knowledge of this
person at all. If you discover that you are a naturally
trusting person take this into consideration when
assessing if you can trust someone else or not-
maybe learn to be a bit more cautious. If you instead
find you are a very untrusting person, you may be
misjudging some relationships that might turn out
just fine. Bottomline...remember to factor in your own
willingness to trust someone when assessing others'
trustworthiness.
12. If you are truly interested in how to more systematically
assess someone's trustworthiness, I have a
scale that will help you do so in my book, " Trust Rules:
How to Tell the Good Guys from the Bad Guys in Work
and Life. "
Finally, perhaps the most important point is to do
whatever you do without malicious intent. If you cross
that border into bad guy activities, you can drag yourself
down to the lowest common denominator, and
then...you become the untrustworthy person with
whom others have to manage. Let's instead work to
be one of those heroes that we are cheering so much
for today...and then...we " won't ever get fooled again. "
The tips above are excerpted from Dr. Stroh's
book, Trust Rules: How to Tell the Good
Guys from the Bad Guys in
Work and Life. Linda's Trust
book is recommended by US
News & World Report for all
executive's nightstands (and
grandparents). Dr. Stroh
received her Ph.D. from
Northwestern University
and is a Loyola University Faculty Scholar
and Emeritus Professor at the Graduate
School of Business

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GRAND Magazine - Summer 2021

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - Summer 2021