GRAND Magazine- Winter 2021 - 7

new grandparents
and never slip out onto your tongue. I dearly love and
respect all my children and in-law children, but I can tell
you that I have one sore tongue, because it seems I have
an opinion about everything. To read more...

5. Thou Shalt Accept the Changes Thou Hast No
Control Over

Your children have the right to change their plans,
their lifestyle, their parenting rules, or any other aspect
of their lives. As the old Serenity Prayer states: " God
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot
change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom
to know the difference. " Amen! Don't take their changes
as a personal attack on you. Most likely, it has nothing to
do with you. To read more...

6. Thou Shalt Let Thy Children Set the
Grandparents Boundaries

Everyone needs boundaries to keep healthy relationships. My daddy used to quote Robert Frost and tell me
that " good fences make good neighbors. " For instance,
you may not be welcomed to just drop in when they need
some space and time to bond as a family. I speak from
experience here. My father-in-law barged in just minutes
after we brought our first baby home from the hospital. Or
maybe they have asked that you keep gifts under a certain dollar amount. Don't be offended - they still love you!
They just have needs too. To read more...

7. Thou Shalt Also Set Boundaries
of Thine Own

tread lightly with love and most of all - don't criticize. And
be complete without some of our rules also. You still
please, don't bring up the parenthood trauma you experihave your own life to think about. Remember to care for
enced. That's just not helpful. To read more...
yourself and your well-being. Let's face it, we're not as
young as we used to be.
Set boundaries for babysitting and regular childcare 10. Thou Shalt Teach and Inspire
without pay, going places with them, supporting activities,
You are in a position as grandparents to affect generaand other expectations. To read more...
tions. There is more wisdom in your life experiences to
draw on than any of the generations currently living. Just
8. Thou Shalt Keep Up with the Times & Stay
think...you are the keeper of all wisdom for your family.
Don't forget that you are still a parent and your children
Open to New Ideas
may need you as much as your grandchildren. Teach and
Things are rapidly changing in the landscape of raising
nurture your children as you did when they were young.
kids. Everything from parenting skills to technology for
Be encouraging - especially when things are going
families is moving at the speed of a 2-year-old with ADHD
badly and celebrate the small victories. Tell them when you
(I had one of those).
notice the things they are doing well (both your children
Stay as current as you can. Be up to speed on things like and your grandchildren).
car seat requirements, seat belt rules for kids, good and
So, what's the point of keeping these 10 Commandments
bad technology, what current TV shows are about, and
for Grandparents? It's to help you realize that even though
other relevant things that apply to the ages of your grand- your day in the sun has passed, you now get to sit back and
kids. This is easier said than done so stay on your toes.
bask in the glow of a lovely sunset. Be the best you can be
Because things are changing so rapidly, you also need to
at supporting your children and grandchildren.
be open to new ideas and ways of doing things. If the current " rules " say to lay a baby on their back to sleep, (but
Click here to read unabridged version
long ago you put all of your babies on their stomach to
sleep), just go with the new way of doing this. Most likely,
your child will be very uncomfortable with your old ideas.
Ask questions and don't argue. That's the best advice I can
With six
give on this one.
children and 15
And speaking of advice...
grandchildren, Jill

9. Thou Shalt Not Give Unsolicited Advice

Please don't give unsolicited advice to your children.
Lest you think that I have forgotten, grandparents need Again, they are testing out the waters just like you did.
And like you, they need to make mistakes and learn from
to have boundaries too. These commandments wouldn't
those experiences. However, if they do ask for your advice,
7 GRAND

WINTER 2021

Bowler has helped
inspire thousands
of grandparents
to navigate and
nurture relationships between adult children and
grandchildren through her blog, Adventures in
NanaLand. You can reach Jill here
jill@adventuresinnanaland.com

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GRAND Magazine- Winter 2021

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine- Winter 2021