GRAND Magazine - Fall 2022 - 12

ageism
about old age and the reality that was coming into
view? Had I bought into some kind of party line?
What were some of my assumptions about what the
future held?
My darkest nightmare was the possibility of ending
my days drooling under a bad botanical print in some
ghastly institutional hallway. If asked what percentage
of Americans over sixty-five lived in nursing homes, I'd
have ventured, " Maybe thirty? " I'd never have arrived
at the actual number: 2.5 percent, down from 5 percent
over the last decade! Even for people eighty-five
and up, the number is only 9 percent.
"
Only 2.5 percent of
Americans over sixty-five
live in nursing homes.
What about being sick, and helpless?
I soon learned that over half of
the " oldest old " -ages eighty-five
and up-can go about their everyday
activities without any personal assistance.
Probably not shoveling their
driveways or doing Costco runs, but
dressing, cooking, and wiping their
own butts. People get chronic illnesses,
but they learn to live with them. The
vast majority of older Americans live
interdependently until they come down
with whatever kills them.
What about the specter of dementia?
Everyone seemed to know a horror story.
12 GRAND Summer 2022
My memory's never been any good, so maybe I won't
notice if I develop Alzheimer's disease. It's a terrifying
prospect. But even as the population ages, dementia
rates are dropping. The real epidemic is anxiety about
memory loss. Remember the two and a half percent of
people over sixty-five living in nursing homes? Ninety
percent of the remainder can think just fine. Here too,
the vast majority of older Americans will land in the
rest of the pie chart, slowed somewhat but fully capable
of finding their slippers sooner or later and making
their way in the world.
"
How about my assumption that old people no
longer have sex? It's true
that sexual activity tends
to decrease with age. It's
equally true that retirement
homes are hotbeds of lust
and romance, as evidenced
by skyrocketing sexually
transmitted disease rates in
people over fifty. Sex and
arousal do change, but
often for the better, especially
for women.
I also figured that old
people were depressed.
After all, they were old,
and they were going to
die soon. Their droopy
faces were all the evidence
I needed. It
turns out that older
people enjoy better
BUY
mental health than the young or
middle-aged. Who knew? Here's the kicker: People
are happiest at the beginnings and the ends of their
lives. If you don't want to take my word for it, Google
" U-curve of happiness. " Even as age strips us of things
we cherished-physical strength, beloved friends,
toned flesh-we grow more content.
The more I learned, the better I felt about the years
ahead-no small accomplishment in itself. I had to
acknowledge that the goalposts were shifting, but also
that I remained very much in the game. I've always
loved bicycling in the city, but now I wear a helmet
and stay in the slow lane. I still barrel along the sidewalk,
but recently had to slow down in order to keep
pace with a seventy-four-year-old friend whose knees
were killing her. Arthritis. She marveled that time and
cartilage had waylaid her in this way, and I realized
that I, too, will marvel when it happens to me. Like her,
I'll figure out how to deal with it. I'll buy a cane just
like she did, and keep on going. Just not as fast.
Click here to continue reading
Applewhite is an acclaimed author and activist,
most recently on the subject of ageism, Her
books include This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto
Against Ageism, Cuting Loose: Why Women
Who End Their Marriages Do So Well, which
Ms. Magazine descried as " rocket fuel for
launching new lives, " and Truly Tasteless Jokes
which inspired a clue on Jeopardy! She blogs
at This Chair Rocks, is the voice of Yo, Is This
Ageist? And speaks widely at venues that have
included the Ted mainstage and The United Nations. Everyone from
The New York Times to NPR and the American Society of Ageing
considers her an expert on ageism.

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GRAND Magazine - Fall 2022

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - Fall 2022