Imagine Magazine - Johns Hopkins - May/June 2010 - (Page 35)

middle ground The Problem of Perfectionism Interview with Thomas Greenspon, Ph.D. “I’m a perfectionist.” Typically, we understand that to mean that the speaker likes things to be done just so. But according to Dr. Thomas Greenspon, author of What to Do When Good Enough Isn’t Good Enough: The Real Deal on Perfectionism, true perfectionism can be crippling. Here, he explains what perfectionism really is, and what you can do about it. What is perfectionism? Perfectionism is a desire to be perfect, but it’s also a fear of being imperfect or incorrect. You might have anxiety about saying or doing something wrong. Perfectionists are hard-driven; they feel that they can’t let up on themselves. by Amy Entwisle to be perfect. If a straight-A student gets a B+ on a German test, the teacher might say, “What happened to you?” The implication is that if you make a less than perfect grade, there’s something wrong with you. And gifted kids, who often have families with very high expectations, may conclude that “in order to be entirely acceptable in this family, I need to be perfect.” Less than perfect won’t do. So how can kids keep from falling into this pattern of thinking? If you feel pressure to be perfect, one thing you can do is to question this issue of acceptability. Ask yourself, “Why do I feel I have to be perfect? Is somebody going to be disappointed if I’m not?” Talk to teachers or parents, and say, “It feels like you guys always want me to be perfect. Is that true? What would happen if I didn’t do very well on a test?” Raise the issue. Perfectionists have many positive qualities. They tend to be persistent, take their work seriously, and put a lot of energy into things. Sometimes they’re very smart. If you make a list of the qualities you’re proud of, you’ll notice they’re part of who you are, independent of how you might perform on a test or in a competition. Understanding that can increase your confidence and help you feel less like you have to be perfect to be acceptable. You can also start a family dialogue about what the perfectionism represents, what your family’s expectations are, and what society’s expectations are in our perfectionistic culture. Doing so can help you develop a different perspective about yourself, and perfectionism can begin to fade. But it’s not something that happens overnight. It’s a recovery process, because perfectionism has to do with your emotional convictions about who you are. It entails changing your sense of self. i What’s wrong with having really high expectations? It’s important to distinguish between pursuing excellence and perfectionism. Perfectionism isn’t about burning the candle at both ends, setting high expectations, or feeling disappointed if you lose or don’t excel. It’s not about being hard on yourself. It’s the sense that you’re not entirely acceptable unless you’re perfect. There’s so much anxiety with perfectionism that you’re more concerned with how you’re doing than with what you’re doing, and that gets in the way of success. Setting high standards is great; that’s the pursuit of excellence. You should go all out and push yourself to always do better. If you pursue excellence but don’t achieve a goal or win the match, you might say, “I’m upset, but I’ll learn from what happened and move on. I’ll do better next time.” But most perfectionists feel too crushed to be able to do that. Because perfectionism is a self-esteem issue, they’re thinking, “This is more proof that I’m not what I’m supposed to be, that I’m somehow defective, that I’m not acceptable as a person.” Who is most likely to be a perfectionist? You see perfectionism in all kinds of people. Gifted kids aren’t more likely to be perfectionists, but they are vulnerable. If you’re a talented athlete or a gifted student, you spend a lot of time in situations where you could potentially exhibit your perfection. You struggle harder dr. Thomas Greenspon, a psychologist and marriage and family therapist, is the author of What to Do When Good Enough Isn’t Good Enough: The Real Deal on Perfectionism and Freeing Our Families From Perfectionism, as well as numerous articles about perfectionism and the self-experience of gifted people. Read an extended version of this interview on our website at www.cty.jhu.edu/ imagine/current.html www.cty.jhu.edu/imagine imagine 35 http://www.cty.jhu.edu/imagine/current.html http://www.cty.jhu.edu/imagine/current.html http://www.cty.jhu.edu/imagine

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Imagine Magazine - Johns Hopkins - May/June 2010

Imagine Magazine - Johns Hopkins - May/June 2010
Table of Contents
Big Questions
In My Own Words
If They Build It
Design That Matters
Wired to Win
A Student at SPAWAR
Even When the Ground Shakes
Biomimicry
An Engineer in Training
Engineering My Future
Home Away From Home
Selected Opportunities & Resources
Middle Ground
Off the Shelf
Word Wise
Exploring Career Options
One Step Ahead
Planning Ahead for College
Students Review
Creative Minds Imagine
Sudoku
Knossos Game

Imagine Magazine - Johns Hopkins - May/June 2010