The Roanoker - March 2014 - 31

vement Awards 2013
HEY, MAYBE THESE GUYS ACTUALLY DIED IN LIKE CRO-MAGNON TIMES . . .

Law enforcement officials in Southwest Virginia
in January unveiled these four clay busts of men
who ostensibly died in years ranging from 1986
to 2012.

THE ABCs OF HARRASSMENT
AWARDS

To the crack officers at the Virginia ABC, who in
2013 not only aggressively busted an 18-yearold University of Virginia co-ed for having a
case of bottled water in her car, but also took
down a Penhook man even though their ninemonth investigation found no evidence that the
man had sold any of the moonshine he was
charged with manufacturing.

HOW TO KEEP SENIORS SPRY
AND HEALTHY AWARD

To Blacksburg's Warm Hearth Village, which,
in celebration of March's National Potato Chip
Day, held a 10-chip taste testing for its residents, complete with nutrition info on each chip.
The winners? Falafel Chips, Snapea Chips and
good ol' Original Lay's.

HOSTA LA LAKE VISTA AWARD
STOP THAT UNITED NATIONS
COMMIE BLUEGRASS EFFORT
IN ITS TRACKS AWARD

To officials from Russell, Washington and
Wythe counties, whose United Nations Agenda 21 fears resulted in votes against Virginia's
Crooked Road becoming a National Heritage
Area (along with the likes of the Winchester
to Staunrton Shenandoah National Battlefields
National Historic District and North Carolina's
25-county Blue Ridge National Heritage Area),
and overcoming support for the fund-raising
designation from most of the 19 counties the
Crooked Road passes through. (It does not pass
through Russell and Wythe counties.)

EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE
HEADLINE AWARD.

To pretty much all area daily media outlets for
each's version of "City Council votes to raise
pay 28.5 percent," which, said other ways
might have been, "Council pretends it will raise
pay from $15,560 to $20,000." In the end,
Council voted itself a 10 percent raise - $1,556
spread over a year - effective in July.

After strong but futile pleas from PETA and a
judge's denial of an injunction to find nonlethal methods, Feds from the Department of
Agriculture marched into the Bedford County
subdivision of Lake Vista in July and took out
66 Canada geese that had been charged by
residents with poopin' up the 'hood.

AND WHAT ABOUT THESE
OUTLAWS, PETA?!

Roanoke had a couple of bad-animal days
in June, when a squirrel got into equipment
and knocked out power to areas including
the Roanoke Regional Airport; and the next
day officers spent half a day tracking a
bear cub through several areas
of Roanoke before finally
tranquilizing it late in
the afternoon. I



The Roanoker - March 2014

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of The Roanoker - March 2014

Roanoker - March 2014
Contents
The 360
The Network
The Flavor
The Gossip
The Gist
The Look
Dudes! and What it Means to Be One
Three More Dudes
Top 10 Annoying Dude Traits and How to Overcome Them
Dude-Dubious: The Awards for Questionable Achievement
The Lady in Black and Her Harassment of Dudes
Man Caves, Roanoke Style
Carvins Cove at 70
Dude Eats: Jack Brown's
The Dish
The Perfect Weekend
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Intro
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Roanoker - March 2014
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Cover2
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 3
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Contents
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 5
The Roanoker - March 2014 - The 360
The Roanoker - March 2014 - The Network
The Roanoker - March 2014 - The Flavor
The Roanoker - March 2014 - The Gossip
The Roanoker - March 2014 - The Gist
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 11
The Roanoker - March 2014 - The Look
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Dudes! and What it Means to Be One
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 14
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 15
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 16
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 17
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 18
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 19
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 20
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Three More Dudes
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 22
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 23
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Top 10 Annoying Dude Traits and How to Overcome Them
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 25
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Dude-Dubious: The Awards for Questionable Achievement
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 27
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 28
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 29
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 30
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 31
The Roanoker - March 2014 - The Lady in Black and Her Harassment of Dudes
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 33
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 34
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 35
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Man Caves, Roanoke Style
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 37
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 38
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 39
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 40
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 41
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 42
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 43
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Carvins Cove at 70
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 45
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 46
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 47
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 48
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 49
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 50
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 51
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 52
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 53
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 54
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Dude Eats: Jack Brown's
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 56
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 57
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 58
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 59
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 60
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 61
The Roanoker - March 2014 - The Dish
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 63
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 64
The Roanoker - March 2014 - 65
The Roanoker - March 2014 - The Perfect Weekend
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Cover3
The Roanoker - March 2014 - Cover4
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