Vim & Vigor - Spring 2018 - Parrish Medical Center - 31

PERFECT TRAP:

Parenting

Perfectionism is a problem most new moms know all too
well. You want to be the perfect mom, do it all without
any help-and maybe even capture the perfection in your
social media posts. Biali Haas recommends trying to reduce
your exposure to the latter. "Social media is such a source
of pressure. Even if you logically know that everyone on
Facebook is curating their lives and you're not seeing their
messy reality, just scrolling through it can still have negative effects," she says.
So, why are moms so prone to perfectionism in the
first place?
"Because perfectionism is based
on the notion of your self-worth,
and that's also why it's so hard
to shake," Lombardo says. It
takes making a conscious shift
toward unconditional acceptance, where you believe in
yourself not because your
child behaved perfectly
or got into an elite university, but because
of your own values
and strengths.
"When you start
doing that and
changing how you
perceive yourself,"
Lombardo says,
"then everything shifts." ■

7 SIGNS YOUR
PERFECTION IS IN
OVERDRIVE
Are your high standards harming your health?
Here are a few red flags to watch for:
1. You're always stressed out. Are you gaining weight, losing your hair or suffering from gastrointestinal issues? Your health can be affected
on multiple levels by elevated stress. "Stress is
serious and can't be ignored," says Janet Rooks, a
clinical social worker and coordinator of Parrish
Senior Solutions.
2. You have trouble sleeping. You might have
too many projects on your plate, making it hard
to find time to sleep. "Your brain may be so busy
planning and preparing that it's difficult to relax and
release your mind for rest," Rooks says.
3. You frequently get sick. "This is your body
telling you to take a break," she adds. "You're overdoing it, and your immune system is suffering."
4. You tend to quit when you fail. "I tell my
patients it's practice, not failure," Rooks says. "If
things don't work out the way you had hoped,
don't let it get you down. Figure out what went
wrong, make a note to do things differently in the
future and move on."
5. You're exhausted. Feeling tired, irritable and
emotionally distant from your loved ones can be a
sign you're setting unattainable standards for yourself-and likely headed for burnout.
6. You force yourself to relive negative
events or actions. "Replaying these kinds of
events will never change them. The outcome will
always be the same," Rooks says.
7. You're constantly "shoulding" yourself
or others. "I tell my patients to replace 'should'
with 'I want to' in their vocabulary," she says. "It's
very powerful."

PHOTOS BY GETTY IMAGES

SOCIAL MEDIA

Psychological Insights
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SPRING 2018

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