Vim & Vigor - Spring 2020 - Northside Hospital - 40

40

DIY

How to Set
Boundaries
Without Guilt

HOW TO

Deal with
Negative People
WE ALL HAVE THAT ONE FRIEND-AND TOO
MANY ADVERSE ENCOUNTERS WITH SOMEONE
CAN HURT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
BY CARRIE SCHEDLER

What makes someone a
"negative person"?
On one hand, it could
be someone who's just a chronic
complainer. In more extreme cases,
it could be someone whose constant pessimism is part of a larger
psychological concern-anything
from control issues to pathological narcissism.
The one thing these various types
of negative people have in common?
They're often entirely unaware of
how their behavior comes off or
influences others.
Luckily, Kesha Burch, PhD, a therapist and member of the American
Counseling Association, has several
strategies for making sure you don't
get swept up in the wave of negativity.

Know when you're hitting
your limits.

You can probably tolerate your
chronically dissatisfied sister's rants
on an occasional basis, but for your
SPRING 2020 VIM & VIGOR

own sanity, it's best to know when
she's starting to get to you.
"When you recognize you're
constantly crabby around them,
or if you feel like you're starting to
behave in ways that don't feel like
yourself, that's when you know,"
Burch says. Once you start to notice
warning signs of becoming overwhelmed, it's OK to take a break-
gracefully exit the conversation,
hang up the phone or tell her you'll
text her back later.

Recognize you can't fix a
negative person's problems.

"You don't have to take people's issues
on as your personal projects," Burch
says. Rather than feel obligated to
help solve issues every time your
co-worker comes to you with a gripe
about your supervisor, you can simply say: "Yeah, that really stinks," and
leave it at that-it's a way of showing
support without getting emotionally entangled.

No one wants to be
surrounded by toxic people,
but it can be hard to distance
yourself without feeling
shame or guilt. Therapist
Kesha Burch, PhD, a member
of the American Counseling
Association, likes to tell her
clients to "go with the guilt"-
the shame or fear of stepping
away is often a passing feeling
rather than a permanent state,
she says, and sitting with the
discomfort can be restorative.
Here's how she likes to help
the process along.

TAKE TIME FOR SELF-CARE.

A long walk, a soothing bath,
a few breaks for deep breaths
during the day-whatever you
need to do to give yourself
a break from draining
interactions, do it. "This is the
time to be really generous
with yourself," she says. And
seek out the relationships
that do make you feel
energized and valued.

ENLIST PROFESSIONAL
HELP. Do you have a history

of attracting judgmental
people who cause you
distress? It may be time to
seek help from a counselor
or other mental health
professional who can help
identify patterns you might
not be able to spot. "They
can help you strategize how
to deal with problems," Burch
says, "as well as look at that
tendency to get drawn in."

Support
You Can
Count On

In addition to stressrelieving techniques,
healthy behaviors and
close relationships, support
groups offer a personalized
way for you to connect with
others and decompress.
With a diverse array of
groups, visit northside.com/
supportgroups to find your
perfect fit.
https://www.northside.com/supportgroups https://www.northside.com/supportgroups
Vim & Vigor - Spring 2020 - Northside Hospital

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