Vim & Vigor - Spring 2020 - UVA - 43

43

If my dad's car
has multiple
dents, it is time to:
1

A. Take away the car keys
B. Ask him to schedule
a physical
C. Observe his driving
patterns

If you flinched toward A
right off the bat, you might
be a helicopter child. While
car dents can be serious,
they don't necessarily indicate full-blown dementia
or a need to take the car
keys away. A health exam
may reveal mental health
decline-or it may lead to a
cause you didn't consider,
such as glaucoma or dizziness caused by medication. (For pointers on how
to observe Dad's driving
skills, see "Navigating the
Driving Question.")

If my mom has
started wearing mismatched or
unclean clothes,
I should:
2

A. Let it go
B. Observe her for
hygiene-related issues
C. Have her evaluated
for dementia

33%
PHOTO BY GETTY IMAGES

Percentage of
heart attack
survivors who
use cardiac
rehabilitation
after leaving the
hospital

Source: Centers for
Disease Control
and Prevention

If you're going straight
to C, slow down. A cognitive
evaluation may be needed
if signs of dementia, such
as memory loss or difficulty
completing daily tasks, are
present. If Mom is simply
mismatching her ensembles, however, who is she
really hurting? Gently investigate the reasons. Maybe
dirty clothes have piled up
because she can't reach the
detergent. That's a pretty
simple fix. Or, if personal
hygiene is the bigger issue,
maybe she would welcome
home healthcare.

I fear my mom is
at risk of falling.
She has osteoporosis
and doesn't balance
like she used to, so
I think it is time to:
3

A. Install cameras in
her home
B. Install grab bars in
her shower
C. Evaluate her medications for side effects

Falls are nothing to trifle with. According to the
Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention, 95 percent
of hip fractures are caused
by falls; they're the leading
cause of injury-related
death for people older than
65. Installing grab bars and
looking for side effects from
medications can really help.
But if you plan to monitor
Mom's every movement
(that's answer A), it's time
to land the chopper. Your
desire to know your mom is
safe doesn't outweigh her
right to privacy.

If my dad had
a serious heart
attack or stroke, it's
time to:
4

A. Encourage him
through cardiac
rehabilitation
B. Move him to an
assisted living facility
C. Offer to help prepare
heart-healthy meals

A big health diagnosis
can be life-altering and
scary. But making wholesale
decisions about Dad's life
without seeking his input
may cause a rift (that would
be B). Encouragement is
good and so is meal help
if wanted-but hold off on
making decisions about
Dad's address. Unless
he has dementia, he
can decide where he's
going to live.

Navigating
the Driving
Question

If you think it might
be time for Mom or
Dad to hang up the
car keys, a series of
AARP videos titled
"We Need to Talk" may
help. Visit aarp.org/
auto/driver-safety/
we-need-to-talk.

My parents
actually do need
me to step in when:
5

A. They forget to turn off
the stove
B. They let unopened
mail stack up
C. They forget to take
medications

Trick question alert:
Stepping in on any of
these doesn't make you a
helicopter child. But you
may be able to help them in
a way that limits your need
to constantly intervene. A
stove with an auto shut-off
may solve the first problem. Simply asking if your
parents want help with
their mail might reveal
that they do. A daily pillbox
could keep them on track
with medications.

In the End

A little bit of problemsolving can alleviate your
fears while preserving your
parents' dignity. Remember,
just because your parents
need help with something
doesn't mean they need
help with everything. 

*

VIM & VIGOR SPRING 2020
https://www.aarp.org/auto/driver-safety/we-need-to-talk/ https://www.aarp.org/auto/driver-safety/we-need-to-talk/
Vim & Vigor - Spring 2020 - UVA

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