Vim & Vigor - Summer 2021 - 52

CUTTING NOT C O

52

Helping my preteen daughter
overcome her need to self-harm
BY HOLLY COOPER

Sara Groff
Stephens, PhD,
UVA Children's
clinical social
worker

Out in the Open

Cutting has been in the headlines
and part of TV storylines in recent
years. But this and other forms of
self-harm and nonsuicidal selfinjury aren't new behaviors. They're
just becoming more normalized,
explains Sara Groff Stephens, PhD,
a UVA pediatric licensed clinical
social worker.
" There's more awareness of selfharm than there used to be, " Groff
Stephens says. Among teens, this is
primarily because of social media,
which, she warns, can be a doubleedged sword.
" It allows people who are struggling to find support and know
they're not alone, " she says. " But it
also allows kids to self-select peer
groups whose primary connection

Why Kids Cut

The reason is different for everyone,
but according to UVA pediatric
psychologist Haley Stephens, PhD,
some key functions of nonsuicidal
self-injury include:
Using self-harm to numb strong
emotions or find some release for
them, distracting the brain from
intense feelings.
Finding comfort in controlling
physical pain because of feeling
powerless over something causing
emotional pain.
Injuring to inflict harm as a
means of punishment for feelings of
guilt, shame or worthlessness.
Teens and adolescents are more
likely to turn to self-harm because
they have poor stress tolerance and
have not yet developed adequate
coping skills, Groff Stephens says.
" Some kids will try it once and
seek help, " she says. " Others will
find it works for them, so they keep
doing it, and it becomes a behavioral pattern. "
Like talking to a friend or listening
to music, Stephens adds, self-harm
becomes a primary coping strategy.
" Unfortunately, it's not a good longterm strategy, " she says. " They're
not managing the underlying

PHOTO BY GETTY IMAGES

Haley Stephens,
PhD, UVA
Children's
psychologist

is through self-harm, which makes
it more acceptable. "
Of course, my daughter's decision
to harm herself-this incredible,
beautiful being I'd spent over a
decade trying to protect-was far
from acceptable to me as a mom.
It was heartbreaking. I needed to
understand why.

PHOTO BY GETTY IMAGES

A

n oversized hoodie. I see it
now for what it truly was.
Not a fashion statement or
default pick from the top of the
laundry pile. It was a disguise my
12-year-old daughter wore to
conceal her pain. The emotional
pain of a preteen coping with
divorcing parents on top of all of
the changes and uncertainties of
adolescence-this I expected. But
it was the self-inflicted physical pain
I could not comprehend.
I'll forever be grateful for that
warm and sunny spring day during
an otherwise rainy beach week. In
a bathing suit for the first time that
year, she couldn't hide the fresh
pink scratches or web of thin white
scars that crisscrossed her torso and
arms. That day I finally, clearly, saw
my daughter's cry for help.

SUMMER 2021 VIM & VIGOR

VVSU2188_52-53_cutting.indd 52

4/28/21 10:46 AM
Vim & Vigor - Summer 2021

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