Condo Media - May 2022 - 41

The sub shop was your typical Boston
Greek Pizza/Sub Shop. They entered.
They were met by the classic old school
Greek pizza proprietor, no doubt
worn down and somewhat irascible
from serving pizza and subs to drunk
college kids.
Boog and Kenny G. were simple.
They got slices, sat down, and started
eating. Shorts had a more complex
palate. The proprietor asked, " You will
have a what? " Shorts said, " A steak sub
with cheese and tuna. " The proprietor
replied, " You want tuna fish on your
steak bomb? "
Shorts would not relent. Apparently
steak and tuna subs were a delicacy in
Bermuda. The proprietor tried to explain
to Shorts that this concoction was
not on the menu and that tuna fish was
not a topping or a condiment or, for that
matter, not likely a good combination
with steak and cheese. Shorts demanded
his steak and tuna sub, so the proprietor
relented and made the best-looking
steak and tuna sub ever assembled.
He then presented the sub to Shorts,
but before Shorts could get his hands
on the masterpiece, the proprietor said
that will be $18.00. Shorts began to
negotiate. He said that the most
expensive sub on the menu was $9.00.
How could he be charged twice that?
The proprietor got angry and said,
" I told you tuna fish was not a condiment.
I made you two subs combined
into one. " Shorts held the line and said,
" I will pay you $9.00 for that sub and
not a penny more. " The proprietor
tried to explain how he had combined
two subs into one, he had never done
this before, it was late, and Shorts
was clearly drunk so he should be
thankful he made him any sub at all.
The proprietor said, " Two subs equal
$18.00, pay it or you will not get to
eat a steak-fish bomb. "
Shorts continued to hold the line at
$9.00. A battle of wits ensued. Shorts
delivered the first blow, when he said,
" I will pay $9.00 because you know that
nobody else is going to eat that sub, so
you should recoup your losses. " While
Shorts may have been right and may
have had the negotiating leverage,
he made the classic mistake of offending
the proprietor's pride and ego. According
to the police report, the proprietor then
threw Shorts, Boog, and Kenny G. out of
his establishment. Shorts did not react
well. He began shouting obscenities.
ENSUING CONFRONTATION
Shorts continued to shout obscenities
from outside the establishment.
The proprietor was so angry he threw
the steak and tuna sub up against his
own window (people do dumb things
when they are mad). In response,
Shorts started taunting him and was
banging his hand on the storefront plate
glass window. Unfortunately, Shorts
was wearing his Bermuda High School
class ring. The underside of the ring
caused the storefront window to crack
and then shatter entirely. Shorts felt
empowered by his mayhem and started
taunting the proprietor about his now
broken storefront window - not a smart
move at 1:00 a.m.
Before Shorts knew what hit him, the
proprietor had split his head open with
a heavy cast iron frying pan. Shorts was
taken to the hospital in an ambulance.
The proprietor was not arrested (it was
1995), the police threatened to arrest
Boog, Shorts, and Kenny G. Shorts had
his head stapled back together. Then the
three knuckleheads went back to Bryant.
THE CASE AND
REPRESENTATION
After all that, Boog asked, " Does he
have a case? Will you take his case? "
I explained that he probably does have
a personal injury case and the pizza
owner probably has a property damage
case. However, I was not going to take
a case about a steak and tuna sub as my
first case. I often wonder if I had taken
it, would I be known as the steak and
tuna lawyer instead of a condo lawyer?
I explained to Boog that a jury might
not be terribly sympathetic to Shorts.
In fact, I explained that both of us
would likely have done the same thing
or worse to him if he had broken our
window. Boog reluctantly agreed.
I gave Boog the names of a few lawyers,
and I think Shorts settled for a
lifetime of steak and tuna subs.
So, you might ask, " How does the
curious case of the steak and tuna sub
relate to condominium governance? "
Well, like I did, sometimes its best to
just say " no " to the crazy fact pattern
or the crazy case. Many a lawyer has
learned that the best decision he has
ever made is the case that he never
took. In the world of condominiums,
that advice can be heeded so as not
to create the crazy fact pattern or
the crazy case. In the meantime,
I have to say, I recently decided to
give the steak and tuna sub a try,
and it is quite delicious.
n EDMUND ALLCOCK, ESQ., CCAL
IS A PARTNER WITH THE LAW
FIRM MARCUS, ERRICO, EMMER &
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May 2022 CONDOMEDIA 41
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