Recording - April 2014 - 62

3. A bio? I can handle that, I just have to tell
everyone I'm a genius!
No, you can't write it yourself, and neither can your
English major cousin Miri. Yes, yes, Auntie Grizelda
is always raving at family get-togethers about Miri's
wonderful grades... as her department-head
boyfriend 20 years her senior sits next to her looking
posh in his bowtie, asking you to pass the yams.
Sorry, I got carried away... No I didn't-get a
proper bio written. Comparing yourself to every
major rock star and hit album in a bio does not
make you relevant. I see this all the time. "With a
voice like Bono and a stage presence like
Michael and a political awareness reminiscent of
Lennon..." Yeah, and just a hint of cinnamon. You
have to leave it up to the critics to call you the next
Kevin Federline. (Assuming that's what you want.)
If you need help with your bio and absolutely don't
know where to turn, I'll let you in on someone I've personally worked with successfully. Have a look at the
website for Katy Krassner, www.katykrassner.com,
and if you like what you see, commission her to write
you a bio. She writes bios and press releases for
major artists, actors, brands, and indie labels.
By Eric Alexandrakis

Mistakes

Artists Make

A rogues' gallery of slipups
every recording songwriter should avoid!

They're everywhere, like cheap wine in a crinkly brown Mini-mart bag. Some think
they look cool walking around drinking out of it, but in the end, it shows no control...
no discipline... no clue. Yes, you know what I'm talking about. Or do you?
I see them every day: those constant mistakes that artists make without thinking. Some are minute, some are grand, some are just so incredibly dumb-
but all can be avoided with some simple logic, and restraint from laziness.
WARNING: The things you are about to read are real. They have been
taken from real examples of bad promo campaigns and bad career decisions. If you happen to recognize yourself in any of these examples, I apologize, but... No I don't. If you haven't fixed what you're reading about yet,
here's hoping you're now embarrassed enough to do so!
1. I'm going to make a living from music and be rich and famous... and
the best part is, I don't have to do real work!
You know how you go to college to train, work toward a major in order to get
a full-time job to support yourself, and work for years to build your profession to
make a better living and to improve, blah blah blah? Yeah, guess what!
Making music a profession requires the same attention to detail. It's a full-time
job which requires daily investment, generally until the day you die, or until you
have enough niche success to sustain you so that you don't have to work anymore. Don't read past this line until you come to grips with this scary reality.
How cool, you kept the crinkly brown bag from the Mini-mart, I'm glad. Now
keep breathing into it... that's right... sloooowly... don't pop it, because you'll
need it for the rest of your life. Or for the rest of your musical career. Or both.
2. Who needs a plan? I'm just getting started here, I can wing it...
Start with a two-year plan with monthly goals. Design it like a business
plan. If you have to make a bar chart with pictures of girls stacked on top of
each other for measurement, so be it. Without a plan, you're spinning your
wheels and I'm wasting my time writing this.
62

RECORDING April 2014

4. Website? You're kidding, right? Everybody
just uses Facebook!
I'm a bit of a hypocrite on this one, as for the
last few years I've been using Facebook as my
hub, but I am now constructing a proper site. FB
has worked well with a lot of EDM artists and
labels, for example, but ultimately it's a trend.
What if it went away tomorrow? Do you really
want all of your content to live only on Facebook?
It's just best to be able to have your own separate
hub, where you can control your content entirely,
and not be subject to weird rules where suddenly
a picture of you taking a bath is owned by some
corporation and ends up on a billboard on I-95.
By a "proper" site, I don't mean use a free template
from some random business site or whatever. Hire a
reputable company via word-of-mouth/research (yes,
even this takes effort), and do it right. If you must use
a service that offers template sites, at least use one like
HostBaby, one that understands what musicians really need in their web content and won't leave you with
a site that doesn't deliver.
5. The world will recognize the genius in my
every note.
Just because you can make music, doesn't
mean it's good. I know a guy (one of many, actually) who has all the right intentions, but his ego
is out of control. He has money and thinks that just
because he has the means, his music is good. It's
average, and worst of all, he can't sing, but thinks
he can sing and doesn't take criticism.
Take the criticism, it'll save you money in the
long run, but don't take it from Auntie Em. She'll
always love your singing. My Aunt Pauline loves
my piano playing and tells everyone about it, but
she's never heard me play.
6. I'm on Internet Radio!
No one cares if some random internet radio station in Indiana is playing you. Your mother might,
but she already got her copy of the album for
free. Focus on the greatest audience, with the
most practical and realistic means.

http://www.katykrassner.com

Recording - April 2014

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Recording - April 2014