Elephants And Tea - December 2019 - 21

ANGRY

Dear Cancer...

Dear Cancer,

Dear Cancer,

It's been a year. Fuck you. (x a billion). You took over my life. I'm
trapped. I can't do anything I used to do.
I hate feeling so tired. You make me walk like a 70-year-old
woman. Everyone walks miles ahead of me.
It was hard to lose my hair twice - but you make me do it. The
body image is hard. My weight, my appetite. You've scarred me,
literally. I was so active before, but then I had to learn how to walk
all over again.
Fuck you chemo brain.
You set my clock back - fuck that. You control the clock. I'm always waiting for you to make your next move. How many seizures
will there be? How much time until the next treatment? How long
will my recovery be? It's all a part of your game. Sorry I can't be a
part of your decision-making process.
I can't drive. My wings are clipped. You stole my sense of freedom
and independence. I'm in jail. I want to drive away and not come
back. I want to go on road trips.
Living in the fear of the unknown - I want to run but I can't.
I'm scared to.
You change family dynamics. Why do you come to good people?
You make everything a potential emergency.
You make me afraid to open up to new people. You are a part of me,
but I don't know how to share you with others. What if they leave?
What if they run and hide? It's time to summon the bravery card.
In spite of who you are, I'm a stronger person. I was scared to
death when you came. When I started fighting back, I didn't think
I could do it. I want you to go away, but you made me appreciate
the little things. You taught me who's really on my side - you made
people leave but also brought people to me. You gave me rocks -
those who will never leave me.
You brought out what I am in the dark. I have hope. You made me
believe in a lot of things. I know there's a greater purpose in life. You
show me people who have fought you, showing me that I can too.
You showed me the gift of time.
You make me a better person. How in a "holier than thou" kind of
way - in a relative way. I realize I can take chances to enjoy life while
it lasts. You taught me to ask for help when needed, and also how
to recognize when to help others. You showed me the value in this.
Most of all - I'm sorry I'm not weak enough for you. #sorrynotsorry

You know that you're a real honey badger, right tho'? You just don't care!
The way that you can be so aggressive and not even care or take into
consideration about how the other person feels about you or what's
going on with them.
How can you even live with yourself?!
Have you been secretly meeting with a
honey badger?? Did y'all become
friends? Co-conspirators? Partners? Because, just like the honey badger, you tend to just pop
up out of nowhere and attack
- usually without even being provoked! I heard
that both you and the
honey badger love the
sweet stuff, as I do, but
would use it against me if I
consumed any sweets like cookies,
candy, cakes or pies in an effort to
console the mood that YOU created!
Sometimes your immune system can
even fight the effects of venom - or in my case would be chemo. And
you're so lazy just like them... you don't mind making yourself at home
in someone else's habitat or space - or in cases similar to mine, other
organs and fluid areas. I also heard that, like them, you are fond of
digging like crazy to find places to hide and "rest in" until you deem
it safe to resurface again.
So inconsiderate.
And you're just flat out mean like them honey badgers. So invasive
and eager to pick a fight; but at the same time, good about staying out
of the public eye until you're ready to meet, in my case, other cells to
mate with, healthy cells, and populate.
And you can be so hard-hitting and tough sometimes - bump that,
you're pretty much tough all of the time!
Well guess what??
I'm tough too.
I can be just as aggressive - and oh yeah, I'm working on being
fearless too.
So can you PLEASE just do us all a favor and go seek and get help
on how you can right your wrongs and make life better for all of us,
yourself included. You don't need to show up anywhere else or on or
in anyone else - just go away and send an email or text or even a snail
mail letter saying how we can live in peace and harmony and not fighting each other.
Some of us are tired of fighting; BUT will
have no problem or hesitation continuing
to do so if you won't stop or go away.
I mean this the nicest way possible.
Wishing you all the best on your anger
management and recovery efforts.
Sincerely,
You already know my name

UNIVERISTY HOSPITALS IN CLEVELAND AYA SUPPORT GROUP

SA BR I NA SH E LTON

ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
DECEMBER 2019

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Elephants And Tea - December 2019

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Elephants And Tea - December 2019

Contents
Elephants And Tea - December 2019 - Cover1
Elephants And Tea - December 2019 - Cover2
Elephants And Tea - December 2019 - 1
Elephants And Tea - December 2019 - Contents
Elephants And Tea - December 2019 - 3
Elephants And Tea - December 2019 - 4
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Elephants And Tea - December 2019 - Cover3
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