Elephants and Tea - December 2019 - 39

NEW OUTLOOK

Dear Cancer,
Finding out about you was one of the two
worst days of my life. My mind went into
panic as I had lost my dad to you just seven
months before and my father-in-law was told
about you invading him just a mere six days
before I heard the words. I had a sweet little
boy at home and a husband I couldn't bear the
thought of leaving, as everyone I knew who
met you had not lasted more than five years of
a long and grueling treatments. When I found
out about you, I cried and cried and cried. I
cried for my husband, who might lose his wife
and father, I cried for my son who would lose
his mother, and I cried for me - why me, why
now? Then I found out there was hope. I was
so happy to be able to get rid of you after four
rounds of chemotherapy and an intense eight
hour surgery called HIPEC, where I now live
with come constant pains as a reminder of you
in case I start to get too comfortable.
The surgery scars have mostly healed but
my body can no longer have another baby.
Everyone around me is completing their
families, yet I can't complete mine. My second baby is gone after a mere 11 ½ weeks
and I will never have a rainbow baby. I see
the hurt in my husband's eyes when I come
home and tell him that another friend of

ours is having a baby. I am thankful every
time I see my son, I know he's a miracle. He's
absolutely amazing. But not being able to
make your own family choices hurts every
time someone asks if he's an only child. At
least, if I had died, my son would have a new
mom and my husband would have had the
family he wanted.
I have been worried about you coming back
every day since. I don't feel at ease when the
doctors tell me I should relax or just continue
my life. This isn't like a bad breakup where
eventually you do move on. Two years later
I still think of you every day. When I see my
scarred body, manage my menopausal side
effects or my not-so-little boy asks for a sibling that I can no longer give to him, I feel
the hurt and all the pain like it was yesterday.
You ruined my shiny life when I only knew
older people who had met you.
Now I've been introduced to a whole new
world of young adults dealing with you as
well. I can't turn my back on them. I have to
find a way to help our healthcare system and
these other young people to better be able
to deal with you, so their lives don't also get
ruined. I no longer cry about me but about so
many lives that you mess up and tear apart. So
many women that will remain motherless and
so many children that are missing parents.

Dear Cancer...

The devastation you cause is unforgiveable
but together I hope we can one day block you
out of our lives forever. I'm one of the 'lucky
ones.' But the only reason I feel lucky is because of these other amazing resilient young
adults I've met and the thought of getting to
you before you get to us.
Not a fan.
C H A N TA L E T H U R S TON

ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
DECEMBER 2019

39


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Elephants and Tea - December 2019

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Elephants and Tea - December 2019

Contents
Elephants and Tea - December 2019 - Cover1
Elephants and Tea - December 2019 - Cover2
Elephants and Tea - December 2019 - 1
Elephants and Tea - December 2019 - Contents
Elephants and Tea - December 2019 - 3
Elephants and Tea - December 2019 - 4
Elephants and Tea - December 2019 - 5
Elephants and Tea - December 2019 - 6
Elephants and Tea - December 2019 - 7
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Elephants and Tea - December 2019 - Cover3
Elephants and Tea - December 2019 - Cover4
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