Elephants And Tea - March 2020 - 4

Depression

A POEM

The void is calling... Do it! It whispers.
Just take your hands off the wheel and let the car just drift.
All the possibilities run through my head, the car gently drifts
into the median and then onto oncoming traffic. The 18-wheeler
is barreling down on top of me.... but there is no room for it to go.

The Tear
on My Cheek
BY SA M A N T H A K R I Z O

My car smashes into a million pieces and I scream and the car
rolls over. There are noises of the car parts as they hit the ground.
Then...
Whoosh! The 18-wheeler passes by me on the road
and my brain snaps back into my head.
I feel wet on my face. I reach up and touch it and realize I
started to cry. My mind was so ready and willing to put me
through a death that when it didn't happen, I was crying.
I have come to realize recently that I have been
hiding my depression behind my humor. And it has
been happening more then I care to admit.
When I received chemo, I was on the peds floor. I was around
the same age as a few of the nurses-we would laugh and
joke. I would put a few new kid friendly jokes on my door,
different ones every day if I could manage to get out of my
room. When I talked a few times to the floor therapist I would
feel better because I felt I had someone who cared about me.
However, since being out of chemo there are people in the room
with me, but there is a thick sheet of glass surrounding my
body. I can't reach out because I don't feel anything. My heart
feels frozen and cold. I feel just as trapped as Rapunzel in the
towers just waiting for my life to begin. Just as misunderstood as
Quasimodo watching people go about their days not among them
but above them. I just want to reach out and connect to someone
or something real.
My depression makes me feel like I am alone in the world. But....
there are days every now and again where I'm driving on the
highway the sun is warm on my skin, my favorite song is playing,
the windows are down, the breeze is in my hair, and just for a few
minutes I can breathe.

4

ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
MARCH 2020


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Elephants And Tea - March 2020

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Elephants And Tea - March 2020 - 1
Elephants And Tea - March 2020 - Contents
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