Elephants and Tea - December 2020 - 10

Mindfullness

GRIEVING

Grieving the
friends we love
and the bodies
we've lost
DO YOU FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE YOU SURVIVED BUT
SHE DID NOT? HOW DO YOU PICK UP THE PIECES OF
YOURSELF ONCE SOMEONE OR A PART OF YOU IS GONE?
BY MARISSA THOMAS

Grief. It's one of those things we as a society and culture hardly talk about.
We know people will pass away one day, and it's hard on the ones we love
who are left behind, but no one talks about the toll it takes on you mentally
and physically.
This is especia lly true for those of us within the breast cancer
community.
You see, we make friends with other women who have walked the
same journey as us: diagnosed with breast cancer, surgery, treatment,
navigating the waters of life after cancer (whatever that means).
A lot of us call each other friends even though we haven't met " in
real life. " And you damn sure can't tell us we aren't the best of friends!
We've watched each other's kids grow up and go to school; birthday
parties posted with us commenting like we were there " Yasss to the
decorations you did a great job; " pictures of date nights with significant
others *insert heart emoji* etc.

Not only do we grieve the ones we've lost
in t his process, we grieve t he body par ts
we've lost like our breasts and our hair, the
friendships and relationships that have come
and gone, the person that we once were, the
woman who we used to look at in the mirror,
but suddenly had to leave behind.
While we still may catch glimpses of her
when we glance in the mirror, we know she's
no longer " here, " in the present sense.
W hat happens when t hose t hi ngs stop
happening? Do you feel guilty because you
survived, but she did not? How do you pick
up the pieces of yourself once someone or a
part of you is gone?
These are all great questions that I wish
I had the answers to. I also wish more of us
were open to talking about it, you know, that
thing grief.
I met one of my best friends on Instagram
at a point in my life when I needed her the
most. I know that now in hindsight, but I
never thought today as I'm writing this, she
would not still be here with me, with all of
us. When she passed away, it shook me to
my core. The best way I can describe it is the
silence around me was deafening.
If I can give any advice while I am still cycling through my grief is to give yourself time,
be gentle to yourself and those around you.
Look back at the woman who was in the mirror and thank her for the lessons she taught
you before you were diagnosed.
Then look at who you are now and thank
her for the lessons she is going to teach you.
Be real with how you feel and find someone
unbiased to talk with so you can unload all
that shit and leave it at the doorstep.
That deafening silence we talked about? Sit
there for a minute, feel its presence, breathe
and let it go.
Then call your friends over for a glass of
wine because you'll need it!
You are still grieving and will most likely
continue to grieve. And you know what....
that's fucking OK!
Take your time! l

This article was originally published on For the Breast of Us at https://breastofus.com/grieving-the-friends-we-love/

FOR THE
BREAST
OF US

For the Breast of Us is an online community for Women of Color affected by breast cancer. Their mission is to uplift survivors/thrivers
by sharing stories that educate, inspire, and connect. It is their hope that by elevating the collective voice from Women of Color, we
can support each other on our cancer journey, making the road easier for women diagnosed after us. You can connect with FTBOU on
Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and their private Facebook group specifically for women of color called " Breast Cancer Baddies " .

ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
DECEMBER 2020

https://www.breastofus.com/grieving-the-friends-we-love/ http://www.elephantsandtea.com

Elephants and Tea - December 2020

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