Elephants And Tea - June 2021 - 12

Dear Cancer,
Dear cancer,
You have changed how I view my life, and the
things that I need and want in life have become
more of a priority. You've also made it more challenging
to get more than ever right now. I was
already unemployed when you came to me and
I didn't know how I can do this.
I was already struggling with communication
with my husband, and you amplified
where we needed work. I cried for three days
straight after I found out I had you. JD, my
husband held me for those three days, held
my hand, held me as I cried myself to sleep or
hugged me, he kept my spirits up, talks about
the future in a positive light and did the best
that he could with the news that we had. You
see when I first got the news, I was told that
I had b-cell Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and
I knew that could be life-threatening and it
was very hard because I was in another state
and couldn't see the doctor or an oncologist
to understand this more. It still took many
weeks and biopsies to come to the conclusion
of exactly what you were, and where you were
in my body. I'm grateful that you are currently
only in my skin but I am fearful that it can get
into other areas of my body over time.
When I had to get biopsies on my chest to
determine if you were there it was the hardest
thing so far and it broke my self-esteem
and my ability to look at my body with confidence
anymore. I have the scars on both of
my breasts now that every time I look at them,
I'm reminded of how you can hurt me. I want
to be grateful for you, but I am not there. I
want to be happy that it's the " good kind of
cancer " as people have said to my face and
I want to believe them, but I don't. I want to
feel whole again.
Now, its month's later after treatment and
clearing lab work, and I feel you again. I have
a checkup in a few weeks, and I'm terrified
they will tell me what I already know. You've
come back, and I'll continue to see you for
years to come, over and over again. This is
my new norm.
CHELSIE BAKER
Photo: Joseph Allison
FEARFUL
12
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
JUNE 2021
http://www.ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM

Elephants And Tea - June 2021

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Elephants And Tea - June 2021

Contents
Elephants And Tea - June 2021 - Cover1
Elephants And Tea - June 2021 - Cover2
Elephants And Tea - June 2021 - 1
Elephants And Tea - June 2021 - Contents
Elephants And Tea - June 2021 - 3
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Elephants And Tea - June 2021 - Cover3
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