Elephants and Tea - June 2021 - 18

Dear Cancer,
Dear Cancer,
You've come back.
I felt you on the soft edges of my neck
and chest. There you were, nestled just so,
the hard masses enveloped in soft tissue.
Hoping you could hide perhaps? To go undetected
while you multiplied and spread
from one lymph node to another?
I wasn't supposed to see you again.
This far from my first diagnosis, there
was a less than 5% percent chance that
you'd revisit. The memory of your last visit
had receded to the back of my mind, filling
spaces reserved for experiences visited long
ago. You had become part of a past life, the
particulars growing foggy. The triumph of
survivorship, of having survived, were all
that was left of that time of fear, discomfort,
and loneliness.
I felt you.
Terror settled into my mind as the consequences
of this reality zipped and careened
across my mind. I cried to the universe. I
yelled at the sky. I cursed the heavens. How
could this be? Why was this happening?
How would we make it through? The days
of uncertainty were uneventful, life going
on without a hitch, but the afternoons were
dreadful. The various outcomes of your
presence would flip through my mind,
inescapably moving from one frightening
option to the next. One minute, I'd see that
it had all been just a grand mistake and the
next minute I'd see my little family forced
to continue on without me.
Then, it happened.
A moment of calm, of clarity. I watched
my little family from across the room, saw
their smiling faces as they danced and sang
in an instant of everyday happiness. The
different versions of the future stilled and
all I had left was here in front of me. In that
moment, I knew that whatever happened,
we would be ok.
So, here we sit, nestled together.
Until you leave again,
MALLORY CASPERSON
HEALING
A moment of calm,
of clarity. I watched
my little family from
across the room, saw
their smiling faces as
they danced and sang
in an instant of
Everyday Happiness.
18
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
JUNE 2021
http://www.ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
Elephants and Tea - June 2021

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