Elephants and Tea - June 2021 - 31

FIGHTERS
Dear Cancer,
I hate what you have taken from me. You have
taken my entire teaching career, as I was one
class shy of completing my Associates Degree
in teaching American Sign Language. So much
of my time has been in and out of various hospitals,
having far too many surgeries, and having
to receive multiple treatments. You took the little
bit of hearing that I had left in my ears, which still
impacts me on a daily basis. In fact, my hearing
is getting worse, to the point where I may
have to considering having another surgery to
install a Cochlear Implant on my left side, since
I currently have one on my right side. In 2008,
you took my legs, to the point that when I walk, at
least on the days I can walk, I walk like a zombie
out of some horror movie. Most of all, you took
away two people who mean the world to me, my
Grandfather, who passed away from Bladder
Cancer in 2013, and you have taken my Father's
brother, Uncle Richie, from cancer in 2019. I will
never ever get over this.
Because you have put me through hell and
back, I WISH YOU WOULD GET CANCER
AND DIE! Leave all of us alone. I beg you to
leave all my amazing Adolescent and Young
Adult (AYA) cancer friends alone. Go away
forever and never come back. I'll even pack
your bags and drive you to the airport, to
save you money on a taxi. Aren't I helpful?
You have taken a part of me that I can never
get back. You have caused so much trauma
and heartache in my life. Dealing with
multiple recurrences, so many side effects
from cancer treatments, chronic pain and
survivor's guilt. The friend's I did have all
left me when I was diagnosed, because they
could not handle me being sick. It was like I
was contagious. Having so many family and
friends die because of you makes me question
why I am here. Why was it my Grandfather
and not me? He has been gone for eight years
and our family still hasn't recovered.
But let me tell you something, you will
never DEFINE ME. I have lived with you for
nine years and I will have to live with this
for the rest of my life until there is a cure. I
refuse to allow you to take anything else from
me. I have two nieces and one nephew that
I want to see grow up, go on dates, graduate
high school and get married. Even little
events, like my nephew's baseball games, are
things I want to be able to see when I am able
to travel back up to New York.
I may have Stage 4 Thyroid Cancer since
2012 and have dealt with multiple recurrences
and a secondary cancer in 2019, but let me
put this into words that hopefully, you can
understand: YOU WILL NOT WIN! EVER!
I didn't know how strong I was until after
my third recurrence. Because of you, I have
been through more than anyone can handle.
I truly personify the saying, " I am woman,
hear me roar " .
In 2018 after my third recurrence my life
changed completely. My Boyfriend of eight
years surprised me by getting me a dog, a
black Labrador Retriever. It was love at first
sight. She was my first dog ever. He wanted a
dog so badly. But he also wanted me to have
company while he was working all the time.
This day was the best day of my life. She has
inspired me to keep going. She knows her
" hooman " is sick and gives me so much love
and comfort. The emotional support and love
are priceless. I am forever grateful for my girl.
She has taught me to " Just Keep Swimming. "
She gives me hope that no matter what happens,
she will always love and support me
despite all the surgeries and trauma I have
been through.
At the end of the day, despite all the craziness,
pain, and suffering, both emotionally
and physically, I am looking to the future. I
have a great Boyfriend who loves and cares
about me, along with our fur daughter. I have
my family, who despite living up north, still
are there for me when needed, whether it is
coming down to help or helping me afford to
take a Uber to get to a doctor's appointment
or get medication from the pharmacy. I also,
have my AYA friends. I enjoy being able to
converse with those that know the journey I
have been on and being able to compare our
stories and scars.
Above all, I will make sure to follow the
words of my favorite character, Dory: " Just
Keep Swimming. "
DANIELLE NICOSIA
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
JUNE 2021
31
Dear Cancer,
http://www.ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
Elephants and Tea - June 2021

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