Elephants and Tea - September 2021 - 21

AS A PARENT Caregiving
(definitely my inspiration) lifting our spirits
with his big jovial voice and tons of yummy
food. Mom distributed small treasures each
day to help keep Cecilia entertained and she
always made sure that she thought of us first,
with a special tea delivery or something cozy
from home. Our parents desperately needed
something to do, something to defray the intense
grief and fear they were feeling for us and
their grandchild - and Hospital Parties were
the perfect distraction. Arne's parents took up
the caregiving at home, tending lovingly to
Madi and our pets in a way that touched us
deeply. They brought Madi with them to the
hospital almost every day so she could cuddle
and visit with her 'iss' (sis), watch Teletubbies
in bed (their special treat), or run down the
hallways together giggling with Cecilia's IV
pole flying behind them. We are keenly aware
that our parents' presence and their willingness
to help was a privilege and a great joy
that not everybody has in life. Strive to create
your support group with friends and extended
family if parents are not an option.
The main takeaway here is twofold: make
hospital trips more full of life and love by involving
others and choosing to make it fun. If
you are lucky enough to have family near, ask
for help and give them specific jobs that play
to their strengths. Otherwise, it won't happen.
Secondly, involve kids at home. Having a
sibling in the hospital is terrifying, even to little
ones. Madi was only 15 months old when Ceal
was diagnosed but she knew something was not
right. The mere fact that her beloved big 'iss'
was not always home was hard enough. Since
treatments are typically several months long,
it's wise to normalize this experience. Talk
about it openly and simply, and for God's sake
with a positive spin that is age appropritate;
" Ceal is getting medicine to keep her healthy "
was our standard response but plenty of times
we heard parents say " your brother has cancer
and he's sick, be nice. " Ouch.
Instead of looking at a hospital stay with
dread, make plans to move in like you own the
place. Obviously, be respectful of the space and
any roommates, and beyond that get creative!
When hospital stays are scheduled, you have an
opportunity to make them JOYFUL. So here's
a few ideas for your run-of-the-mill hospital
treatment stay:
COMFY IS KING
If you are a patient, make a standing list of all the
little things that make your life just a bit better,
and think outside the box. Maybe it's having
your own pillow, or a great book. Download a
bunch of funny movies. Consider having a playlist
that makes you smile, or bring some fresh
flowers to pretty things up. If you are the caregiver
for a child, teen or family member, ask
them what would make them happy and then
make it happen. For little ones, keep a stash of
stuff that is only allowed to see the light of day
for hospital stays.
SET THE MOOD
Hospitals are loud and noisy. How can you make
it more relaxing and conducive to healing? A
special nurse named Leslie taught us that a little
lavender tincture on your pillow calms things
down and makes that hospital smell vanish.
Consider bringing mellow instrumental music
or a wave machine that you can turn on when
it's nap or bedtime. This cuts the noise down and
signals to you or your person that it's time for
rest, regardless of age.
GET DRESSED
It may sound a little odd, but getting dressed
everyday makes a difference. It did for us as
caregivers, and our daughter as the patient. If
age-appropriate, let your child pick out which
of their fun clothes they want to wear each day.
This simple thing made Cecilia see that it was a
whole new day, that there was fun to be had, and
it lifted our spirits.
ASK FOR HELP, AND VISITS
As always, I'll remind you of one of the most
powerful things you can do as a patient or caregiver
- learn to advocate. Advocate for yourself
or the person you are caring for. Seriously. Speak
up! Let friends and family know what's up and
what you might like from the grocery store, or
Peets, maybe that latest gossip or fashion magazine.
If allowed, ask them to come by for a walk
or lunch outside in the sunshine, IV pole and all.
And ask them to bring treats and comfort every
time and don't be shy. Friends and family truly
do want to help and something to do during your
treatment. But not all of them are super intuitive,
some may be a little lame; I believe that seeming
lack of care does not come from ill-will, but from
their own paralyzing fear. Cancer does that to
people. So, help them out. Tell them what you
need and let them shower you with goodness.
Being in-patient sucks. I remember that feeling
of dread, anticipating a long stay for treatment
or suddenly finding yourself on the way to the
hospital because you were exposed to chickenpox
by your bestie at preschool (us). You can't control
these planned, or unplanned hospitalizations.
But you can create your version of The Hospital
Party and be ready to outweigh the negative
aspects of admission to the hospital with a sense
of calm, surrender, and maybe a whole lot of fun
like it apparently was for our Cecilia! And before
you know it - you'll be home.
LAURA LANG-REE IS A PERFORMING ARTS EDUCATOR AND AWARD-WINNING THEATRICAL DIRECTOR. SHE LOVES CRAFTING
MAGIC ON STAGE AND NURTURING STUDENTS' ARTISTIC PASSIONS. WHEN HER 3-YEAR-OLD LITTLE GIRL WAS DIAGNOSED
WITH CHILDHOOD LEUKEMIA, HER WORLD STOPPED SPINNING. SHE WAS PISSED OFF AT CANCER. VULNERABLE. FED UP AT THE
SHEER LACK OF GUIDANCE, TACTICS, AND SUPPORT FOR PARENTS OF KIDS WITH CANCER. SHE OFTEN DECLARED " I HAVE A
BOOK IN ME " ! 24 YEARS LATER THAT BOOK PROPOSAL IS READY FOR AN AGENT. THRU THE FIRE: A COMPASSIONATE GUIDE
FOR SURVIVING YOUR CHILD'S TERRIFYING, LIFE-THREATENING ILLNESS WITH YOUR IDENTITY, YOUR FAMILY, AND YOUR
RELATIONSHIPS INTACT COMING TO A BOOKSTORE SOON!
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
SEPTEMBER 2021
21
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Elephants and Tea - September 2021

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