Elephants and Tea - December 2021 - 27

FIRST DESCENTS Cover Story
Colin's cancer experience set bigger things into motion. Together,
before he died, we founded Rise Above It (RAI) - a volunteer-based
organization committed to helping others facing similar challenges.
With the support of family and friends, we carried the torch forward
after his death. We worked tirelessly to raise money for patients and
caregivers. Our aim was to improve access to clinical trials for young
adults with cancer. We were on a mission to instill hope and courage,
and to provide resources for those seeking life-saving therapies.
At the time we had no idea we were joining a larger movement...
something greater... the emerging field of Adolescent and Young
Adult Oncology (AYAO).
Colin's experience and my work with RAI led to a full-time career
in cancer advocacy. It began at the LIVESTRONG Foundation,
where I worked with and learned from hundreds of talented and
passionate people, all who shared a fierce commitment to improving
cancer care. These learnings, coupled with my love of the outdoors,
belief in the healing power of adventure, and passion for supporting
young adults like Colin, prepared me for my role as CEO of First
Descents - a national nonprofit that provides life-changing outdoor
adventures for young adults impacted by cancer and other serious
health conditions.
I am fortunate the course of my life has created an opportunity to
contribute to a greater purpose. But in some ways, it feels like stepping
through a revolving door of grief. The reward of committing
a life to the service of others also comes with recurring exposure
to tragedy, trauma, and loss. Herein lies an ultimate duality - the
ability to hold space for diametrically opposing emotions. I'm once
again forced to learn this lesson while caretaking for my mother
who has dementia. Witnessing her steady decline and preparing for
her eventual end-of-life is an entirely new version of grief for me.
It's doubly triggering without Colin by my side. Celebrating and
honoring her life, and his life, while grieving at the same time is a
delicate and confusing dance.
By acknowledging my grief, I have learned to view life through a
different lens and face a new reality. It doesn't make it any easier, but
there is a level of acceptance that once felt elusive. Grief has played
an important role in fueling my passion and purpose. Time and
time again I've returned to adventure and community to process
and heal. These circumstances have led to the most meaningful
relationships in my life, including my wife, Tara.
Tara lost her first husband, Nate, to cancer. We first met shortly
after his cancer recurrence. I watched their story unfold from a distance
and admired Tara's ability to remain positive, supportive, and
hopeful, despite increasingly dire circumstances. When we reconnected
at the First Descents Ball years after Nate's death, she shared
her passion for supporting young adults coping with cancer through
yoga. I was immediately drawn to her. Drawn to her passion and
ability to create meaning and purpose from such devastating loss.
As those who've attended can attest, the FD Ball is much more
than a fundraising event. It's an experiential and emotional ride that
showcases the challenges and triumphs of young adult survivors.
Tara was understandably emotional following the event. It was her
first time attending a public cancer event since Nate had passed.
When she mentioned teaching yoga to cancer survivors through
Lov Yoga, I suggested she volunteer at a rock climbing program later
that summer in Estes Park to experience First Descents in action...
LEARNING TO LOVE
THROUGH LOSS
BY TARA & RYAN O'DONOGHUE
Over the next six months our friendship and connection grew. After a few
business meetings and mountain bike rides, we planned a fall bike adventure
to Benchmark Point in Vail. Our connection to cancer and loss of loved ones
illuminated the path through autumn leaves that glittered gold. We reached the
summit where Ryan had scattered his brother's ashes on " Colin's Cliff " many
years ago. This was where it all clicked. We knew Nate and Colin were smiling
down, and our shared grief sparked something special.
Because of our original connection summiting a mountain in Vail, we
recently married in Crested Butte at the high alpine Emerald Lake, which is
only accessible through a rocky 4x4 dirt road. It was a priority to begin our
ceremony paying homage to our past by scattering the remaining ashes of
Colin, Nate and our pup, Sloan. We vowed to keep them close while loving
each other intentionally and holding space for our grief in years to come.
Together, we now approach grief like an expedition, rather than a solo
adventure. Our experiences with cancer led us both to find meaning from
grief, which serves as a subconscious safety net that keeps us close to each
other and our loved ones. Grief is also the fuel that ignites passion toward
a greater cause. Through the AYA oncology movement, we are able to help
those navigating their cancer journeys through outdoor adventure and
yoga therapy. A parallel path lit by loss also inspires our romance as we
move forward in love for each other, not despite, but in honor of our grief.
As we sit across from each other in our Denver home writing these stories
with our new pup, Shanti, soaking up the sun beside us, we feel abundant
gratitude that we both experienced loss and grew through grief. Holding
space for the past and processing old and new grief openly together is a
backbone in our relationship. We both believe our greatest suffering is a
silver lining in dark clouds and allow love to lead the way to brighter days
and a rainbow of possibilities. l
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
DECEMBER 2021
27
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Elephants and Tea - December 2021

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