Elephants and Tea - December 2021 - 36

Defining Grief BEAUTY IN GRIEF
to later in the day feel like the rug was literally
pulled out from under our feet. Getting a phone
call or sitting in a doctor's office hearing you
have cancer is the perfect example.
I was two weeks away from beginning my
THE
junior year in college when told I had leukemia.
I was so excited for school: new beginnings,
closer to graduating, I had transferred to a
better school, and it was one more year until
I could legally drink alcohol. Life was good,
my friends, until I got news about the " C "
word, which is INSTANTLY when I felt the
" G " word! I immediately was consumed by
thoughts of losing my hair, missing school for
an entire year, being unable to work, panicking
over how I would pay off my credit card debt,
potentially being infertile from chemo, and
likely never finding a soulmate because I was
now a cancer survivor with a ton of baggage.
What I grieved the most was my life, and if I
would even have one after all of this.
I mention that story to show you just one
WORD
BY STEPHANIE SCOLETTI, MSW
If I said, 'The " C " word', you would know exactly what I'm
referring to. Cancer has earned many names and initials over
the years. Yet there's one word that we still can't seem to find
ways to discuss, we struggle to accept it, and we simply fear
it. This " G " word I'm referring to is GRIEF. It is morbid, ugly,
depressing, dark, emotionally draining, and just so painful.
Grieving sucks the life out of you. It releases every ounce of
tears we're capable of shedding. It is a hopeless feeling that
leaves you longing to find even the slightest light at the end of
that tunnel.
When a child is born, the universe glows with excitement, our hearts burst with love, and we
light up in the presence of this precious, innocent new life. We envision this new family and all
the joyous moments to come. We project into the future, trying to envision who this little earth
angel will become and all the milestones we will celebrate with and for them.
It's fascinating to reflect on the individuals, events, and detours that contribute to our wave of
emotions throughout life. In just one day our emotions are at our absolute highest of highs, only
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DECEMBER 2021
example of how I stared grief in the eyes,
and for a very long time. Hell, I still do as a
16-year cancer survivor. But you know what?
I have been involved in oncology ever since
my diagnosis, and I have learned more than I
sometimes realize about grief and the beauty
behind it (yes, you read that correctly. I used
grief and beauty in the same sentence). Before
I go on, let me preface this by clarifying that I
am not saying grief is a beautiful feeling. It is so
much more than that (reread my introduction
if you need to be reminded).
Let's start here: why is grief so painful? Well,
that's simple. Because that individual is no
longer physically here with us. It's so painful
because we care about them so much, and we
grow to love them. Or, we empathize as we envision
that happening to us. Another reason it's
so painful is because we're already juggling so
many stressors, even before learning of someone's
death. It's painful because we may know
of an individual who is actively dying, and so
often we have no clue what they need or how
we can help. So not only do we feel helpless;
we feel hopeless too. And I'm only referring
to grieving the loss of someone. I could write
an entire chapter on all the things we grieve
throughout life!
But what if we take those heavy emotions
and weighted blankets of " why " that completely
take over our minds and bodies, and instead
we reframe it in a way that reflects on love,
compassion, friendship, family? Would you

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Elephants and Tea - December 2021

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