Elephants and Tea - December 2021 - 37

BEAUTY IN GRIEF Defining Grief
rather care and love with the risk of grieving
heavily versus never caring or loving at all? This
is yet another example of how many choices
we are given throughout life. As humans, we
need one another for support, confirmation,
reassurance, and connection. We need community
and to feel like we belong. And all of
that comes with grief; whether you believe it
then or not.
My friends, we grieve every single day.
I'm sure you've heard the saying, " The only
constant in life is change " . The world is ever-evolving,
and when you're confronted
with a life-threatening illness such as cancer,
you grieve in a way that nobody can prepare
you for. You grieve your pre-cancer self and
pre-cancer life, while saddened over what this
new " survivorship " will present, and unfortunately
there is no way to actually know what
that will look like.
BUT (there's always a but), know this much:
we grieve because we love. And we love because
we care. And we care because we build
so many relationships and friendships that
mold our lives and inspire us to become who
we are. And when any of that is taken from us,
we feel that sense of loss and longing for what
was. I often am asked, " How do you do what
you do? Isn't it so hard losing group members
and always having to hear such sad news? " If
you want to know my true, genuine answer,
the answer is, " It's easy to do my job. I get to
learn their stories and provide the support and
community they need. I get to see them build
lifelong friendships and bonds that wouldn't
exist without my job. The love I have for them
outweighs any sadness we experience. " I mean
it from the bottom of my heart.
Regardless of what or who you grieve, first
always sit with it and as we say in the Young
Adult Survivors United support groups, " feel
your feels " . It's OK to be sad and vulnerable.
It's also OK to be angry and outraged, as long
as you aren't harming yourself or others. And
it's OK to be in denial at times. All of these
are indeed stages of grief. All I ask is that you
never feel the need to carry this emotional
burden by yourself. You absolutely do not,
and so many others out there are doing and
thinking the same thing. When darkness rises
and you can't pick yourself up, take advantage
of the support that's available. Is it a friend or
family member? Maybe a colleague? Perhaps
a church member? Or, maybe a grief support
group or therapist can help. I know it's hard
to take that first step, but I'm here to assure
you that it will be worth it and life changing.
I PROMISE.
When it comes to grief, for some reason it
remains so taboo. I used to shy away from it
too, trust me. I have learned over the years
that grief is a layer of love. Though painful,
let it be the reminder we need to cherish what
once was. As they say, it is better to have loved
and lost than to have never loved at all. Ever
since I chose to live by that quote, I've viewed
grief differently and in a much healthier and
meaningful way. Most importantly, don't be
afraid to talk about grief, because I promise
you that others are thinking and feeling the
same way you are. I assure you. I only wonder
what would happen if we shared our grieving
stories as much as we share other parts of our
lives. Think about it... l
" We grieve because we
love. And we love because
we care. And we care
because we build so
many relationships and
friendships that mold
our lives and inspire us to
become who we are. And
when any of that is taken
from us, we feel that sense
of loss and longing for
what was. "
STEPHANIE SCOLETTI IS EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR & FOUNDER OF YOUNG ADULT
SURVIVORS UNITED, THE HEALTH AND WELLNESS COMMUNITY FOR YOUNG ADULT
CANCER SURVIVORS AGED 18-39 WHEN DIAGNOSED. YASU'S COMPREHENSIVE
MODEL PROVIDES EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL HEALTH, SOCIAL, AND FINANCIAL
SUPPORT THAT ENHANCES YOUNG ADULTS' QUALITY OF LIFE. STEPHANIE'S
ADVOCACY FOCUSES ON PREVENTION, INCREASED AWARENESS, AND
MOST EFFECTIVE WAYS TO SUPPORT THIS UNIQUE CANCER POPULATION.
DEDICATED TO HER HOMETOWN, SHE WAS A 2019 PITTSBURGH MAGAZINE " 40
UNDER 40 " HONOREE AND 2018 KDKA RADIO " HOMETOWN HERO " AWARDEE .
STEPHANIE IS A MEMBER OF THE SOUTHWEST PA CANCER & ENVIRONMENT
NETWORK, A UPMC HILLMAN CANCER CENTER COMMUNITY ADVISORY
BOARD MEMBER, AND AN ACTIVE ADVOCACY REPRESENTATIVE FOR THE
AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY'S CANCER ACTION NETWORK. SHE IS A PATIENT
ADVISORY COUNCIL MEMBER FOR THE ELEPHANTS AND TEA MAGAZINE
AND PATIENT EXPERT COUNCIL MEMBER FOR SERVIER PHARMACEUTICALS.
STEPHANIE ADMIRES COMMUNITY PARTNERSHIPS AND ANY OPPORTUNITY TO
EMBARK ON NEW ADVENTURES WITH HER HUSBAND, MATT. IN HER SPARE TIME ,
YOU CAN FIND HER RUNNING, BIKING, OR CREATING NEW PLANT-BASED MEALS.
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
DECEMBER 2021
37
http://www.ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
Elephants and Tea - December 2021

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