Elephants and Tea - March 2022 - 14

Finding Peace in the Divine FACING FEAR
God as My Fortress
Fear as a Moat,
BY ERIN PERKINS
T
14
his week, on July 9th, I'll go for my
16th and final round of intravenous
chemotherapy. I'm praying to the
God I believe hears us, and asking
that this is the last one I ever have to
do intravenously, but also hopefully,
at all. I am hoping for a pathology
complete response, which would
allow me to be done with active treatment
after my surgery. While this end of five
months of chemotherapy is a huge milestone,
there are so many decisions I am faced with
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MARCH 2022
making with limited information, and many
moving parts that organize themselves only
during my upcoming surgery a month after
chemo ends (like, the moving parts organize
themselves while I'm under anesthesia). I'll
wake up to news I can't choose about my next
steps; about my immediate future. While I
have the ability to choose what surgery I
would like to have based on what I know
now, which I know is a huge gift, I do not get
to choose whether or not I have a pathology
complete response, or whether or not this
cancer beast recurs locally or if it recurs as
Metastatic to another organ in the future.
Lately, these truths have felt heavy.
Weighty. Like a door is in my face, and I can
turn the knob, but I can't open it. I do not
get to know what is on the other side; like
some cruel version of a gameshow, where
the show host has the door opened for you
exclaiming, " What's behind door number
three! " Only in this case, there is no cool
prize, only cancer, or maybe not cancer.
Those are the possibilities. Weighty.

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Elephants and Tea - March 2022

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Elephants and Tea - March 2022

Contents
Elephants and Tea - March 2022 - Cover1
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Elephants and Tea - March 2022 - 1
Elephants and Tea - March 2022 - Contents
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