Elephants and Tea - June 2022 - 39

HATEFUL YET THANKFULL Dear Cancer...
DEAR CANCER, WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO YOU?
ment and I ended up staying at my friend's
mother's house for a few weeks. One day
I woke up and tried to get up to get some
breakfast, when my legs gave out from
underneath me. I could not get up, and I
was taken to the hospital by ambulance. I
was admitted for a blood transfusion. That
was quite easily one of the worst nights of
my life. After that, I was back to rehab for
a couple of weeks.
I returned to work on a Monday, just
in time to keep my job, after getting discharged
from rehab the Friday before.
Getting through bladder cancer was one of
the hardest things I have ever done.
Yet, I have some things to be thankful for
due to bladder cancer as well. I have met
some amazing friends because of cancer.
I lost a couple as well.
I have an amazing medical team now
who takes great care of me, listens to me,
and includes me in the discussions of my
treatment. They are also a team that finally
allowed me to obtain a hysterectomy, which
I had wanted for twenty years. Bladder
cancer showed me that I am tougher than
I ever thought I was.
Bladder cancer is still teaching me to be
patient and gentle with myself.
I found acceptance and understanding
in three circles of communities on the
local, national, and international levels:
bladder cancer, AYA Cancer, and ostomy
communities.
I learned who in my life genuinely supports
me and who did not.
I have found the strength and courage to
start chasing after the things I really want
instead of staying in a dead-end job where
I was becoming increasingly dissatisfied.
I have learned to face my fears while
standing on my own, yet still have space
for allowing others to help me.
Overall, dear bladder cancer, fuck you!
And also, thank you. I would not be the
person I am today without the experience,
yet it was an experience that no one should
have to endure.
I would not wish you on anyone, but I
am grateful that you brought certain individuals
into my life and made room for
certain opportunities.
APRIL KEMEN
Dear Cancer,
What should I say to you?
Maybe I will start by complaining to
you about all the tests, scans, appointments,
needle pokes, surgeries, and medications
I have endured because of you.
Or we could talk about all the unwelcome
changes you have made to my body.
I could say, " You ruined my life! " " You
caused me so much pain! " Or even, " You
killed my best friend! " How about I just
tell you that I hate you! My life has been
completely changed because of you.
I am learning how to accept the damaged
body you left behind. The deformed
nipple-less breasts, the short thin hair,
the achy joints, the hormonal acne, and
all the scars-both visible and invisible.
I grieve the loss of my best friend and
feel such guilt that I survived, and she
didn't. I look at her young daughter and
wonder if you are going to hurt her again
by taking over her body one day.
I think about all the good I could have
done with the thousands of dollars I had
to spend trying to kill you. That money
could have saved a lot of cats. But nope,
I had to waste it on you, Cancer!
I will thank you for three things. You
helped me see how loved I am. So many
people showed up and helped me through
this horrible time.
You gave me extra time with my mother.
If I was not on long-term leave from
my job because of you, I would not have
been able to see her as often as I have
these past two years.
You created connections across the
country for me. I now have new friendships
and have found new artistic skills
within myself.
Cancer, since July 2020, you have taken
over my life. From that day forward my
thoughts have been about you. Why did
you come into my life? What do I need to
do today to kill you once and for all? Am I
doing enough? Will you ever really leave?
Cancer, you came in and messed up
all the pieces of my puzzle. I spend every
day trying to put them back where
they belong. Can you please just give me
enough time to finish my puzzle?
Sincerely,
- April Joy Kemen
PS: I miss you, Julie Hoye!
APRIL KEMEN LIVES IN RACINE, WISCONSIN WITH HER HUSBAND,
JASON, AND THEIR FIVE CATS. IN JULY 2020, AT THE AGE OF 39,
SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH STAGE 2B TRIPLE POSITIVE INVASIVE
DUCTAL CARCINOMA (BREAST CANCER), WHICH REQUIRED HER
TO COMPLETE 20 ROUNDS OF CHEMOTHERAPY, A BILATERAL
MASTECTOMY WITH LATISSIMUS DORSI FLAP RECONSTRUCTION
AND IS NOW ON ORAL CHEMOTHERAPY MEDICATION. SHE ENJOYS
ARTS AND CRAFTS, WATCHING REALITY TV, AND SPENDING TIME
WITH HER FAMILY AND FRIENDS. KEMEN IS INVOLVED IN BOTH THE
WALK TO END ALZHEIMER'S (IN HONOR OF HER MOTHER) AND THE
RELAY FOR LIFE, IN HER COMMUNITY, AND HOPES THERE WILL ONE
DAY BE A CURE FOR BOTH ALZHEIMER'S AND CANCER!
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
JUNE 2022
39
http://www.ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
Elephants and Tea - June 2022

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