Elephants and Tea - September 2022 - 13

INTIMATE ISSUES WITH MARLOE Sexuality
in their sexual connection is challenging, and they may have trouble
figuring out how to express love and affection in other ways. Over
time, they might become worried about growing or drifting apart.
Fortunately, couples who know how to build and maintain deep
reservoirs of emotional intimacy are well-equipped to face and
take charge of challenges together. Intimacy is kind of like relationship
glue-it helps couples stick together (get it!?!) by creating
a bond and reinforcing resiliency. Relationships strengthened by
the elements of emotional intimacy can weather upheaval and uncertainty
through joint perseverance and problem-solving. Plus,
couples who nurture emotional intimacy during times of sexual
drought may also find it easier to find their way back to the sexual
aspects of their relationship when the time is right.
CULTIVATING CONNECTION WITH A CAPITAL " E "
Emotional intimacy doesn't just happen-it takes intention and a
willingness to be real with another human. If you're in a committed
relationship, you have likely decided that this person is worth the
effort! Let's look at some things that you and your honey can do to
develop and sustain the emotional foundation of your relationship,
one step at a time.
1. Evaluate your physical and emotional needs. Just because
you might not be up for participating in regular sexy-time
stuff now doesn't mean that you don't crave and desire (and
deserve!) your partner's attention and displays of affection.
Spend some time figuring out what might help you to feel
loved, supported, celebrated, and wanted during this time.
You may find that emotional intimacy is at the top of the list!
2.
Explain your emotional intimacy needs to your partner and
make specific suggestions on how they can help to fulfill them.
Remember, no one is a mind-reader. Clear communication
takes away the stressful guessing game and reduces the chances
of misunderstandings, false assumptions, and disappointment.
3.
Engage your partner in conversation. Ever feel like your days
are too boring to be worth chatting about? Hardly! There's
always something worth sharing if you take the time to find
it. With each new day, notice things that you can report back
on. At the end of the day, try taking five minutes to reflect on
the following: What was one challenge you faced today and
4.
how did you manage it? What's one thing you learned today?
What is something you found beauty in today? Even if you
spend most of your day apart, learning about one another's
experiences can create a feeling of togetherness.
Expose yourself. Emotionally, that is! Practice being vulnerable
with your partner by opening up and sharing your feelings.
Meaningful self-disclosure is a part of emotional intimacy.
Being honest gives your partner the opportunity to help you
feel heard and understood, and to reinforce their love and
acceptance of you, just as you are.
5.
Enjoy the small, hidden moments. Admittedly, trying to scrape
together a few free moments among the tasks of adulting
(work, school, parenting, paying the bills) is a challenge for
any couple, never mind adding cancer to the mix. But you
know what they say about quality over quantity. Rather than
stressing about the amount of time (or lack thereof) you have
to dedicate to each other, make those hidden moments together
a little more mindful-because they add up! Try focusing
on one another while you're in the grocery check-out, doing
the dishes, or waiting in the, uh, waiting room. Harnessing
these small windows of time gives you both a chance to feel
connected throughout the day, rather than distracted.
6. Extend your curiosity. If you have been together for a while,
you might erroneously believe that you know each other about
as well as you possibly could. Wrong! We are always growing
and changing, and this means there is always something new
to learn and discover about each other. Staying curious about
your partner means wondering and asking about their insights
and ideas. What are their worries, fears, or concerns? What
are they looking forward to? What fuels their hope, comfort,
and peace? What do they find joyful?
7.
Explore a connection ritual or practice. Designating a time
and a place for regular conversations, such as over Sunday
morning coffee or Saturday night nachos, makes a habit out of
prioritizing and creating space for regular emotional check-ins.
8. Elaborate on what you find enduring and unique about your
partner as a person, and why. Remind them of the strengths
MARLOE ESCH, RN, BSN, ONCOLOGY CERTIFIED NURSE (OCN), AND YOUNG ADULT CANCER
SURVIVOR, GRADUATED FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN - MADISON SCHOOL
OF NURSING (GO BADGERS!) IN 2008. SHE ENJOYS EDUCATING BOTH SURVIVORS AND
HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS ON THE TOPIC OF CANCER AND SEXUALITY, AND HAS
PRESENTED FOR THE YOUNG SURVIVAL COALITION, THE ONCOLOGY NURSING SOCIETY, AND
PLANNED PARENTHOOD OF WISCONSIN, AMONG OTHERS. SHE HOLDS A CERTIFICATE FROM
THE SEXUAL HEALTH CERTIFICATE PROGRAM THROUGH THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN AND
IS CURRENTLY PURSUING HER DOCTOR OF NURSING PRACTICE (DNP) AT THE UNIVERSITY OF
WISCONSIN - MILWAUKEE. AN ENTHUSIASTIC SUPPORTER OF SEXUAL HEALTH AND WELLNESS,
MARLOE IS MAKING IT HER MISSION TO BRING SEX INTO THE SURVIVORSHIP SPOTLIGHT.
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
SEPTEMBER 2022
13
https://elephantsandtea.com/sexuality/speaking-of-sex/ http://www.ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
Elephants and Tea - September 2022

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