Elephants and Tea - September 2022 - 19

CONVERSATION WITH LLS Learning to Cope
MICHELLE: WHAT WOULD YOU WANT
OTHERS TO KNOW WHO ARE CURRENTLY
GOING THROUGH OR HAVE FINISHED
TREATMENT AND ARE STRUGGLING
WITH THE " NEW NORMAL " ?
Elissa: The biggest thing is to give yourself
grace. It's hard to finish treatment when this
thing has been so impactful and traumatic
in your life, and you are expected to go back
into the world where things were the same
as before. It's hard to find your place in the
world because, although cancer does not
define me, it will always be part of my story
and there will be people I need to share it
with including dating partners and new
people who ask about why I do the work I
do. Cancer will always be part of my story
and I have worked to find my purpose after
all of it. But finding purpose is not for
everyone and they can feel pushed to make
something out of their cancer experience.
It's not something that is required from you
as a cancer survivor. A lot of people also
don't like the phrase " new normal, " but in
many ways, life after cancer is just that. You
can't go back to the time before cancer in
the same way as before. You have to find
your own way in the world and a place in
it that works for you. One of the greatest
things I heard at CancerCon was " It's OK
to have a glass half-empty day because the glass is refillable. " So, it's
OK to not be OK, and hopefully tomorrow may be a bit better.
The year after I went through
treatment following my
diagnosis was the hardest
year I had experienced. The
darkest time was when I felt
like I lost my identity.
- Lauren Wagner
friend to celebrate finally being done. I
think having something planned-even
something small-helps to focus on the
end. I was tired and the chemo side effects
were compounding as treatment went
on, but I had the trip to look forward to.
Another thing that helped was when my
therapist suggested journaling to help me
process my feelings; I started a journal
that included pictures that brought up
certain memories and feelings for me. I
wrote down all my thoughts and feelings
rather than just focusing on what was
happening. These entries started when my
first symptoms began and went through
the present day of when I was journaling.
Looking back on the journal entries was
very helpful to me moving forward after
treatment.
Lauren: I had two communities that helped
me. I found an online community when I
started putting my story out on YouTube,
doing weekly vlogs. Initially I started it
because people kept asking me how I was
doing, and I didn't want to keep answering
that question. I felt overwhelmed, like I
was helping them with their emotions
about my cancer. So, I recorded honestly
what I was going through, and I had people
all over the world reaching out to me and
Lauren: The year after I went through treatment following my diagnosis
was the hardest year I had experienced. The darkest time
was when I felt like I lost my identity; I felt like I lost control over
where I was going in life. But I also see the hope in that time now.
I became energized by changing my major to social work and spent
my money on art supplies and taught myself a new skill that calmed
my mind. It was meditative for me. A lot is swirling around when
you are a newly minted cancer survivor with big emotions, so it
helps to find some peace. I needed to connect with others, but I
was in college with kids who wanted to hang out and party. I was
struggling like other college kids do, but with cancer. For newly
diagnosed patients I would recommend seeking professional help/
counseling and to connect with your peers.
MICHELLE: WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT HELPED YOU THE
MOST TO GET THROUGH TREATMENT AND THEN MOVE ON
AFTER?
Elissa: My big thing was having what I call an " anchor trip. " I had
an end date for chemo, so I planned a trip as soon as my doctor
allowed me to go. Two months after finishing treatment, when
my immune system was better, I went to Disneyland with my best
sending messages. They were talking about how they or a family
member went through cancer, and they were thankful to have my
videos showing an open and honest view into what I was experiencing.
I connected with someone from the UK who I messaged
with, and he told me my videos saved him from taking his own life.
We stayed friends for a long time. It was powerful to connect with
others online and it helped me feel ready to go back into my own
life. I also found a community called Colleges Against Cancer on
campus and, although it no longer exists, we were passionate about
cancer, fundraising, and helping others. It helped me connect with
organizations like Gilda's Club where I found purpose. I was able
to volunteer throughout college and that started me on my career
path. I would have felt alone without these communities.
MICHELLE: WHAT HAS BEEN THE BIGGEST EMOTIONAL
HURDLE DURING OR AFTER TREATMENT?
Elissa: My biggest hurdle was losing my hair and gaining weight.
I felt I didn't look like myself. I got hair extensions that were expensive
but worth it because I could feel like myself again. It took
more than two years for me to look in the mirror and recognize
myself again. The worst day, even worse than diagnosis, was shave
day for me. It was hard not recognizing myself. Five years later, I
still haven't returned to what I looked like before. But again, I try
every day to give myself grace.
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Elephants and Tea - September 2022

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