Elephants and Tea - September 2022 - 20

Learning to Cope CONVERSATION WITH LLS
Lauren: The biggest swing for me emotionally
was the change in my identity;
I felt I had to grieve my old life. I had to
accept what the rest of my story would
be and who I was in it. I was diagnosed
at a time when it is really challenging
for a person to find their identity in the
first place. However, those emotions
were not all negative; I was also hopeful.
I was grieving my youth, but also had a
newfound purpose and drive. As I get
further away from finishing treatment, I
feel more positive about the experience
and have found meaning in it all.
MICHELLE: HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH
THE FEAR OF RELAPSE, ESPECIALLY
AROUND FOLLOW-UP BLOODWORK
OR SCANS? HAS IT CHANGED AS
YOU ARE FURTHER REMOVED FROM
COMPLETING TREATMENT?
Elissa: I would say the first three years
after treatment were the hardest for
dealing with upcoming blood tests.
Early on, I would get so anxious for
the weeks leading up to them; then as I
moved farther away from my treatment,
I would feel anxious for a few days before.
I clearly remember the first day I
woke up and was not anxious about a
blood test happening that day. Then I
had a thought that not having anxiety
meant I might get bad news and was
worried until I got my test results back
that day. My negative and superstitious
thoughts told me that this would be the
day because I wasn't anxious. This cycle
of thinking produced severe anxiety
until my results arrived. My five-year appointment was stressful,
and although I felt confident, I was never fully sure I stayed in
remission. I talked to my doctor about how the risk reduces for
relapse after five years, but I wonder about other possible cancers I
could get diagnosed with. I feel that I moved forward with my life
and don't know how I would go through it again. That is still very
much in the back of my mind.
ed myself, so I knew Hodgkin's was not
likely to return; this was confirmed by
my doctors, so having an expert share
this was comforting. I encourage survivors
to talk to doctors about relapse
and survivorship. However, that fear
never has gone away. Last summer I
found a lump and was worried about
relapse. This time I knew to call an
LLS information specialist who talked
through my fears with me. It was so
helpful and made me thankful for our
information specialists.
MICHELLE: HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH
SURVIVOR'S GUILT AS YOU MOVE
FARTHER AWAY FROM TREATMENT
AND SEE CANCER FRIENDS STRUGGLING
OR NOT MAKING IT?
Survivor's guilt is terrible. It's
almost harder to do well with
a single treatment plan when
you see others go through
it and relapse or don't have
success with treatment. You
have moved on, but they can't.
- Elissa Baldwin
Elissa: Survivor's guilt is terrible. It's
almost harder to do well with a single
treatment plan when you see others
go through it and relapse or don't have
success with treatment. You have moved
on, but they can't. I have a friend with
Hodgkin lymphoma and she has tried
several treatments and none have worked.
It brings a sense of guilt that I have essentially
moved forward, and they are
still stuck in that cancer space. A friend
I met at CancerCon passed away last December;
she had been a survivor of childhood
cancer, but over a decade later was
diagnosed with a different type of cancer.
Those things can hit you very hard. I ask
why I survived this when my friends are
struggling and their treatment is not
working. It's also why I work for LLS. I
want to fight for my friends so they are able to find treatments that
are successful, and provide that cure that all cancer patients hope for.
Lauren: I am very stubborn, so I just pushed it away. Anxiety may
have shown up in other ways, but I would just push through and
say I was fine. I think what may have helped most is that I educatLauren:
I think this is a big reason I am doing the job I am doing.
Every day I can give back to people in the traumatic moment of a
cancer diagnosis. It is also why I am so passionate about being an
advocate for young adults. I just joined the SWOG Cancer Research
Network as the AYA community advocate. There is a lot of work to
be done in the AYA space. Helping others because I am well allows
me to be part of the solution of connecting patients to resources while
ensuring they don't make the same mistakes I did when diagnosed. l
* You can see Lauren's cancer journey videos at https://www.youtube.com/user/lauren201002.
* You can access LLS Young Adult resources at https://www.lls.org/children-and-young-adults/young-adults.
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ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
SEPTEMBER 2022

https://www.youtube.com/user/lauren201002 https://www.lls.org/children-and-young-adults/young-adults http://www.ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM

Elephants and Tea - September 2022

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