Elephants and Tea - September 2022 - 28

The Courage of Vulnerability FIRST DESCENTS
That trip introduced me to the healing
Choose Your
Own Adventure
JESSICA GUERRERO
power of outdoor adventure and gave me
a safe space to be vulnerable. Not only was
I challenging myself physically but also
mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I
got glimpses of a person I hadn't known I
could be after feeling so wholly incapable
during my time in treatment.
Leaning into true vulnerability and
trusting people I didn't know with my
life while dangling from a rope felt like
a metaphor for all that I went through in
treatment. Each time I had an opportunity
to climb, it felt like I was overcoming
something within me and fighting for the
person I wanted to become.
Since that trip, spending time in nature
has become essential medicine for my
soul. Each time I enter the wilderness, I
find myself deeply grounded in the present
moment. By challenging myself and
getting to know my fears and doubts and
what is truly right for me, I have been able
to better understand what I need. I have
been able to choose adventure and push
myself out of my comfort zone, which has
helped me learn how much I am capable
of. This work hasn't been easy, but it's been
transformative.
Confucius said, " We all have two lives;
I
n 2011, I didn't get to choose my path.
Cancer chose for me. The diagnosis
meant 14 months of being told to see
doctors, have tests and surgeries, and
undergo a course of immunotherapy.
The doctors said it was all necessary to
survive, and I did it all.
At the end of those 14 months, I
felt lost.
During treatment, I felt like I was emotionally
coasting. The uncertainty brought
on by my diagnosis left me feeling a bit detached
from my life. I went from being an
invincible 24-year-old nurse living what I
thought was my best life, to someone who
felt like there wasn't even solid ground to
stand on. My shield of invincibility had
popped, and I didn't know how to proceed.
I distinctly remember one of the most
challenging days for me was the day I
finished treatment. Everyone around me
was celebrating my accomplishment. I was
trying to feel excited, but all I could feel was
a wave of fear and overwhelming anxiety.
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ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
SEPTEMBER 2022
Now that the structure of active medical
treatment was gone, I wasn't having to
figure out how to fit in appointments with
doctors, injections, and cancer into my
everyday life. My detailed and predictable
treatment plan was now vague.
What would happen now? Who was I now?
I was so scared the cancer would come
back, that we wouldn't catch it in time, and
that I would have to move forward into a
life I didn't know anymore; I was uncertain
how to move forward. Cancer had come in
and swiftly turned my life upside down. I
wasn't the same person I was before treatment,
or during treatment for that matter.
I didn't quite know who I was, and I was
initially nervous to find out.
In 2013, I chose the adventure of signing
up for a wilderness trip for young adults
impacted by cancer. I showed up in Colorado
not knowing what to expect, but ready
to challenge myself by rock climbing. I was
also hoping to reconnect with myself and
discover how to feel alive again.
the second begins when we realize we only
have one. " The first time I read that I felt
deeply seen and understood. As I started
connecting with myself more deeply, I began
prioritizing things that bring me joy. I
have learned that life is precious and there
are no guarantees.
For the past 13 years, I have worked in
the field of nursing. I primarily worked in
pediatrics and mental health because I love
the hope I always see when working with
kids. When my world turned upside down
from cancer, I had to take a step back from
mental health nursing. I knew I didn't have
the emotional capacity to show up for my
patients while also trying to care for my
own mental well-being.
Eventually, when it felt right, I found
my way back to mental health nursing and
began working in leadership positions. I
appreciated the challenge of trying to navigate
through so many puzzles at the same
time, and I truly wanted to be an advocate
for my patients and my staff. At some point
I allowed my job to become an important
part of my identity, and it didn't take long
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Elephants and Tea - September 2022

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