Elephants and Tea - September 2022 - 4

Learning to Cope YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID
Cancer Is a Big #@$%&* Ordeal
CYNTHIA HAYES
PROTECTIVE ARMOR
Like most, I learned all this the hard way
through a rough ride over my own cancer
terrain. A week after a regular, unremarkable,
gynecologic exam, I received a call from my
gynecologist that I had flunked my Pap. She
wanted me back right away for further testing
and mentioned the type of cells detected
before signing off to deliver a baby. It was
only after I entered the name of those errant
cells into the search bar on my phone that
the panic set in-they were the early warning
signs of an aggressive type of uterine cancer
with grim survival statistics. Instantly, I
assumed I was going to die.
The biopsy the following week was so
painful I could have died on the exam table,
but the anxiety as I waited for the results
was far worse. I was certain that I had received
a death sentence, and encouragement
from those around me not to panic yet did
nothing to allay my fears. When the confirmation
that I had cancer finally came, it
was actually a relief. Now that I knew what
I was dealing with, I could do what I did so
well-plan and manage.
I put my head down and got to work. I had
N
4
obody expects a cancer diagnosis. It comes out of the blue, defying the belief that it can't
happen to you. There are no cancer-prep classes, no training programs to help us ready
ourselves for this moment, and no way to practice reacting to such shattering news. So,
when we hear those words, " You've got cancer, " the brain short circuits, leaving us stuck
in feedback loops baked into the wiring: " cancer equals death " and " showing emotions
is a sign of weakness. "
These two assumptions drive a lot of the experience we have with cancer-from
anxiety around testing to willingly accepting the demands imposed by others that
we stay positive. But these assumptions are false.
In the past 20 years, AYA cancer mortality rates have fallen by 25 percent and survival
rates for AYA cancers exceed 85 percent, meaning most of us go on to live long and productive
lives after a cancer diagnosis, even if not " cured. " At the same time, emotional volatility
during and after cancer is common-not a sign of weakness but a predictable side effect
of the disease and its treatment. Up to 70 percent of us experience anxiety and 60 percent
suffer from fatigue and chemo brain, with or without the chemo. Scanxiety is common,
and some of us struggle with major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
SEPTEMBER 2022
to find a surgeon, I had to schedule scans, I
had to rearrange work commitments. I had
to tell my family what was going on. I would
need a radical hysterectomy-a hip to hip
incision that would allow for manhandling
my guts to remove my entire reproductive
system, some lymph nodes, and part of
the omentum (that little-known organ
that wraps around the abdominal cavity
to support the other good stuff in there).
After a brief period of recovery, I would be
sentenced to six rounds of chemo that my
doctors assured me would bring nausea, hair
loss, fatigue, a compromised immune system,
and the potential for neuropathy. Joy.
Right from the start, I put on my badass (I
can handle anything) protective armor and
got down to it. I didn't let anyone know that
I was crying in the shower every day-a safe

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Elephants and Tea - September 2022

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