MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 16
Having a Faith Mindset
the hospital. Everything that could've gone
wrong, went wrong. I had no familiar faces
around me. I was lost. And in that moment
fear crept in. I was having what I know now
as anxiety attacks due to PTSD, but I didn't
know what it was then, and I felt-for a
minute-that what the doctor was saying
was true. The kids don't know this, but I
had called them via FaceTime, and I was
talking to them and just giving instructions.
I stressed how much I loved them and occasionally
I would put down the phone to wipe
the tears that welled up in my eyes. After
that call I started singing one of my favorite
songs that I played every morning when I
first found out-I played it on my phone.
I remember being on this machine, listening
to this song, crying, and it was time for
the nighttime staff to come in to introduce
themselves. I heard a voice that said, " Why
are you here? " It was one of my nurses from
the very beginning that gave me my first
chemo treatment and encouraged me all the
way through. Without a shadow of a doubt,
I know God sent her to give me that boost
of not giving up.
I believe that's what fear was doing to
me. At one point I was having anxiety
attacks that would cripple me to the point
where I couldn't move and I couldn't
breathe, which heightened my fear. It made
me start thinking about that doctor who
said I was going to die and I would start
crying. I was scared to leave my house,
and at one point scared to come out of my
room. I had never experienced anything
like that. And I felt like at some point my
doctors, for as many as I was seeing, would
have diagnosed me or given me something.
I had no answers. The church tells us to
pray things like that away, but what happens
when you pray, and it comes back
stronger. For me, my prayers changed. I
started praying for God to put people or
things in my path for relief. Once again
God answered my prayers and I not only
had to have faith in Him, but the avenues
in which He sent the help. The first being
my new team of doctors and medicines.
I had to have faith that these doctors really
did have my best interests at heart,
that they wanted to see me live, and that
I was not just a number or another Tesla.
I had to have faith in the medicines that
16
MY LIFE MATTERS
FAITH OVER FEAR | WINTER 2023-2024
AND A FAITH-BASED PURPOSE
they were choosing for me. I had to learn
to trust them and medicine when past
experiences told me not to. When people
told me not too. I had so many people tell
me to dump chemo and western medicine
altogether and just go all natural. I was given
all kinds of crazy regimens by people,
but I chose to have faith in the people and
medicines that I felt God sent me. I had a
doctor that finally told me that I suffered
from PTSD and depression, which is what
led to the anxiety attacks. I was given anxiety
medication that I am truly grateful
for. I don't have to take it all the time, but
I know when. I had FAITH that it would.
Faith for me isn't always just praying about
it. The Bible says faith without works is
dead. My works was believing in what
and who God sent me, and that it would
work. Because without it, I don't believe
we would be talking today.
Q. What does a good day for you
look like and what does a bad
day look like?
E: A good day for me is everyday that I am
above ground, being with my kids, out
advocating, with no pain and no anxiety
attacks. A bad day is when I am bedridden,
usually the days following certain chemo
treatments or injections. My body hurts
really bad. I have extreme muscle spasms
and muscle aches and bone pain. Bone pain
is the worst. But I'd much rather deal with
those than anxiety attacks. My trigger for
them is shortness of breath, which can be
from anything. Running, dancing, laughing
too hard, things I like to do, and my lungs
are one of the places the cancer metastasized.
So, breathing too heavy for me can be
a trigger and sometimes an attack will come
out of nowhere. But I am happy to say I have
had way more good days than bad.
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024
Contents
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - Cover1
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - Cover2
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 1
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - Contents
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 3
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 4
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 5
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 6
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 7
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 8
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 9
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 10
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 11
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 12
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 13
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 14
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 15
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 16
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 17
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 18
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 19
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 20
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 21
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 22
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 23
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 24
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 25
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 26
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 27
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 28
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 29
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 30
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 31
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 32
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 33
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 34
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 35
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 36
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 37
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 38
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 39
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 40
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 41
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 42
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 43
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - 44
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - Cover3
MY LIFE Matters - Winter 2023/2024 - Cover4
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