MY LIFE Matters: TNBC Patient Voices Issue 2022 - 36

ANGEL Advocate COVID
Diagnosed with
TNBC During
a Pandemic
HOW GRATITUDE KEPT ME GROUNDED
BY KEISHA STEPHNEY
B
36
eing diagnosed with triplenegative
breast cancer (TNBC)
forever changed me. It took me
in a direction I never thought
about going down, yet it was
something I ended up needing. I had the
unfortunate luck of being diagnosed
during the height of the global COVID-19
pandemic. City and statewide lockdowns
were happening around the world. Daily
statistics were being reported on the newly
diagnosed and the death rate. Across the
country and around the world, hospitals,
urgent care centers, and medical systems
were in complete crisis. My healthcare
network was postponing all medical exams
that they deemed non-emergency. Unfortunately
for me, this included my bi-annual
mammogram. In January of 2021, California
restrictions started to ease up and
I was able to schedule my appointment a
year later. However, because of all the backlog,
my appointment wasn't scheduled until
mid-April. I wasn't really concerned as I had
no reason to believe anything was wrong. I
complete my self-exams regularly and stay
on top of my mammograms, so I had nothing
to worry about, or so I thought. Two
weeks prior to my appointment I made the
decision to get the COVID vaccine. When
I received the appointment confirmation
call, I divulged that information. The nurse
MY LIFE MATTERS
TNBC PATIENT VOICES ISSUE 2022
explained that I may want to cancel as they
recommend waiting four weeks after the
second dose due to a possible false positive
test. Do you ever feel something in your gut?
At that moment I knew I needed to keep that
appointment, so I did.
I went to my scheduled appointment on
a Tuesday morning. By 1:00 p.m. I received
the first of what would be many calls. I
was asked to come back the same day, but
this time to the main hospital in Oakland
for a breast ultrasound. Once I received
my ultrasound I was asked to wait, and
that gut feeling came back. This time it
came back as fear. When the technician
returned, I was informed they wanted to
complete a biopsy. They found something
that looked suspicious. During my biopsy
I asked the question I wish I hadn't. What
do you think? She looked at me and said,
" I am about 95 percent sure it's cancer. "
Everything after that moment seemed like
a blur. It felt like I woke up and was in the
chemo chair.
One of the hardest parts of being diagnosed
during a healthcare crisis is that I
was forced to sit in the treatment chair
and watch poison going through my body
alone. No hand holding, no back rubs, just
me and my husband via Facetime on the
days I was blessed enough that his work
schedule allowed. The entire experience
was beyond traumatic, but I would be
remiss if I didn't give thanks for all the
good that came from it. The unexpected
self-evolution process that began right
there in that chair. There were some days
I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. If
I am being honest, I didn't want to look
at myself at all. What I believed was my
beauty was all but gone. I felt ashamed of
what I was becoming, even though it was
no fault of my own. I found intimacy difficult
as I couldn't believe my husband still
found me attractive. On those days I had
myself a good cry. Then I would remember
that I am so loved. I knew this part of the
journey would be hard, but that it wouldn't
last. I made sure to let my husband know
all of what I was feeling, even the hard
stuff, and we worked through it together.
Prior to my diagnosis, I was at a stage
in my life that we all get to at some point.
The stage where you start to evaluate
where you have been and where you are
going. (If you are not there yet, just keep
living). I was beginning to seek purpose
in my life. I wanted to find something that
filled my soul every day and helped me
stamp my legacy in this crazy world. But
let's be honest, this is difficult to do when
you are so consumed with the hustle and
bustle of life. Most days I moved robotically
through the day as I became stagnant.
MY LIFE Matters: TNBC Patient Voices Issue 2022

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