MY LIFE Matters: TNBC Patient Voices Issue 2022 - 37

COVID ANGEL Advocate
Stuck between knowing I wanted more
and figuring out how to get it. One blessing
that came from my diagnosis was the ability
to stop. It forced me to slow down and
focus on what really mattered in my life;
the important things that I had taken for
granted for so long. It was as if God said,
" here is the time you needed, now figure it
out. " So that's what I did, I began the process
of self-healing. Working on me from
the inside out. From the time of diagnosis
through your treatments it feels as if your
world stops, as those around you continue
to carry on through life, seemingly worry
free. So, it's important to remember to
focus on you first; who you become when
it's over will matter the most.
The first thing I did was realize that
keeping a positive attitude through all of
it, even on the hard days, was so important.
I couldn't control the fact that I lost
my hair or that some days my bones hurt
me so bad I could barely move. However, I
could control the way in which I reacted to
what was happening to me. For example,
on the days I felt down, I forced myself
to get up and ride my Peloton. I would
give myself small challenges such as 10
to 15 minutes per day. Just enough to get
my blood flowing and be deserving of a
self-celebration. I could embrace the fact
that all these side effects were temporary
and that soon this would all be behind me.
I will be honest, not all days were positive.
There were days that I wanted to scream
and cry all day, and you know what? I did!
I learned early on that it was OK to not
be OK. BUT it was NOT OK to stay that
way. I started praying daily, something
that I am ashamed to say I had neglected:
" God, I know you know the plans for
me. I humbly come to you today asking for
healing. I ask that you remove all anxiety
and fears I may have for I know you are
in control. I thank you for the strength to
move and the heart to love. Please continue
to keep and comfort me and my family as
I continue the battle that you said I have
already won. Amen. "
One thing about a breast cancer diagnosis
is that it will bring you to your
knees. I started praying not only for
my healing but for life direction. What
would my life look like on the other side
of cancer? How can I learn to love this
new version of myself that I had yet to
meet? Whether you are stage I or stage
IV, the biggest step you can take is practicing
gratitude. Being grateful for even
the smallest things has a way of helping
you smile on the inside. Let's face it,
when you are going through treatment
you need all the inside smiles you can
get. It keeps you grounded and focused
on all the good in your life. I started to
give daily thanks for opening my eyes,
the warmth of the sun, the loving touches
from my husband. All the things that I
took for granted before as they were just
the norm. Today, those little things for
me are no longer the norm, they are my
everything. I have come to understand it's
the little things that make our life great.
Just as I began to focus on those little
things, I also shifted focus on myself.
I reached out for professional help. I
realized I could not do this alone, nor
did I want to. My breast cancer diagnosis,
the 16 rounds of chemotherapy
treatment, the double mastectomy, and
the 25 radiation sessions are traumatic
events. For me, I needed someone to help
me sort through it all. Someone to help
me push past all of what has happened
and discover the new healed version of
myself. I still don't have all the answers
as I am still working through it all, but I
will say that each day, and each session,
I can feel the transformation.
My advice to my fellow breast cancer
sisters is to take the time to focus on
the good. Do not to let the diagnosis
control your entire world. Take the days
you need to cry, kick, and scream, but
remember, the more you focus on the
negative the less you focus on healing.
Find something good in each day and
focus on that. Let those little things be
the steppingstone you need to overcome
any daily obstacles. Remember it's OK to
not be OK, but it's not OK to stay there.
Th mind, body, and soul each play a role
in our lives. During the times your body
feels like it's failing you, go deeper into
your mind and soul, as this is a constant
source of strength in each one of us. l
MY LIFE MATTERS
TNBC PATIENT VOICES ISSUE 2022
37
MY LIFE Matters: TNBC Patient Voices Issue 2022

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of MY LIFE Matters: TNBC Patient Voices Issue 2022
